This past year we:

Went on our first cruise to the Bahamas for G's 28th,

I went on a girls trip to Charleston,

Welcomed our beloved niece into the family, 

Celebrated 2 years of marriage in Atlanta,

Graham started his Master's program,

We told our story of Infertility, 

We renewed our Disney Passes and went once a month,

We stayed in Milledgeville for a long weekend with friends,

We began going to a fertility specialist,

I went cruising with some family to celebrate Acey's graduation,

I began watching Echo,

We flew to Utah for a wedding and visited 3 national/state parks,

I cut my own hair (again),

We stayed at the beach with my family in St. Augustine,

I was extended a calling as Second Counselor in YW (again),

We visited Chicago with Graham's family,

We sent Acey on a mission and welcomed him back home soon after, 

Celebrated at Disney for my 24th,

Went to 3 concerts,

I fought through depression,

Graham maintained a 4.0,

We rented a cabin in the Smokies,

We grew exponentially in certain ways.

    2015! I can't say I'm not glad to see it go. This year has included lots of staying elsewhere to get away from home and the sadness I find there. There have been some joyous times in between the crummy. When I look at it in a grander scheme I realize it hasn't been a "bad year." But still, I won't miss it. I'm ready for 2016. I'm making a few resolutions or commitments but those are just for me. I've got to learn to keep more things private ;) Ok.... so I guess technically you all know at least thing I'm working towards. But don't hold me to it please, cause y'all know I'm hard headed and can barely keep my head above water- let alone not talk about it. And with that- farewell until next year! 

December Update

    This month's actual update was simple: we did nothing. We were told that we could do an IUI but it would spill into the holidays so the actual procedure wouldn't be performed until early January. Problematic, especially since we are going to be back to paying 100% percent and who wants looming hormones at Christmastime? Graham was taking 2 weeks off and if we went through with our appointments we would need to exclusively stay in town. It was a hard decision to make. I finally felt like it would be more enjoyable for us to wait but I felt so much inner turmoil; it's difficult for me to ask to delay whenever it's already taking forever. For a few more days I raked everything over, pros and cons. I took the plunge and called in to postponed our next cycle. I have no specific date in mind for when we will return- though I am feeling like I may not completely disclose when we do for reasons I don't care to mention. So please don't ask :)
    It's officially been a year of hormonal treatments. Let me just say that it has felt like much longer, but that's due to the 6 month waiting period to even get us to that step. Plus this year has creeped by because of all that has happened. There are times when I can give verbal updates to all my friends and then there are moments where I wish they wouldn't ask; highs and lows abound. 
    I wanted to give kind of a one year write-up to this, it has truly been a big part of our lives. Here's a snippet from my journal entry back at the beginning of the year: "I just feel down about the whole situation. It is so much easier for people to urge you on, tell you to relax and how it’ll be worth it when the end isn’t visibly in sight. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: infertility is the loneliest journey!"
    When our first month cycle failed it was so overwhelming. I knew not to be too hopeful, but the sheer wonder of it all had me all wrapped up; I followed my doctor's advice and went up to the office for monitoring, shots and pep talks. We did everything the right way. I found out on a Sunday morning with the accompaniment of ghastly cramps. It really was rotten luck as I had to leave for Church 15 minutes afterward, still caught up in my emotions of disappointment and self-pity. I was in tears the entire drive, I was alone as Graham had early meetings. I tried to compose myself and reign it all in. After all, it was the first time! Only 30% of couples are lucky enough for that. So I went on as normal as I could be- mentally chastising myself for being foolish enough to be so naive.
    My favorite people in the ward had either just given birth or were about to in a few weeks. Sometimes they would line up to hoist babies or grab bellies, they were all so pretty and happy, and I would snap a pic. I so badly wanted to join the group, to stand in on the group maternity shots, to give up my role as photographer to someone else so I could join in. Beyond one friend back home, no one knew that we were starting to live at Doctor's office because of all the different protocol. At some point during sacrament I was able to hold one of the new babies. I could not hold back the steady flow of tears as I looked into the tiny, sweet little face and left so empty myself. I'd known for years that my health issues would probably lead to a spout of infertility but I never knew it would feel like this. It was like I grieving a death, it just felt crushing. A confusing bulk of problems all thrown at me at once and I needed my own time to sort them out. I came back home and sobbed on my couch the rest of the evening.
    It's not like that for me anymore. And that's something I never wish to see again. Last time it didn't work out I was relatively composed, whenever I called Graham I did get a little choked up but after a few minutes I was fine. Instead I joke about my body's inability to do it's normal functions. I roll my eyes at Huggies commercials and due date calculators. I'll hold other people's kids and try to shut every single thought that tries to flood through. I try to do anything but let it all affect me.
    I've felt more bitter over this than anything else. Partly because of the horrible timing, partly because I've led a very easy life thus far (knock on wood). It's created a resentment in me towards other women who effortlessly get pregnant. I've despised getting on social media to read about pity parties regarding tough days with children and pregnancy or "I love my perfect life and it's all I've ever wanted" posts. As happy as I am for my newly pregnant friends who want to share it just so we can celebrate, it'snearly impossible for me to do so. I'm too bitter, even now. The icing on the cake is that we threw away five thousand dollars without anything to show for it.
    There is no nice way to put it- I have struggled immensely with this in 2015. I'm sad that it was as hard as it turned out to be. But it's only been a year and so many go through it for such longer periods. (If you're one of those women, know that you never leave my prayers and I am sending you good vibes of peace and strength.)
    You know, there were times where I went to the Lord in sincere anger. Those were times when I just asked Him why can people who don't want them or aren't yet ready for them or, worse yet, hurt them can be given them. Then so many decent people are steadily denied. I regret that. It is hard to even admit, because I want to seem completely and utterly unshakable. I think that just proves to myself how depressed I really was. But as I read recently in the Book of Mormon, "...faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6, emphasis added)
    This year has felt like hell, but dang, I came out alright after all. It's not the way I wanted it, but it has taught me a few lessons: It has helped me be more appreciative of the things that are going right. It's let me flex my knowledge to comprehend and educate. It has given me a chance to understand other women and men who endure this. It's allowed me to rely on other people when I can't do it for myself. It's made me realize how much harder I will work when I am a Mama. It has turned made me cling to my faith with optimism (once all the doubts wash away).
    I've fought to make myself be positive; it's still a daily issue for me in this regard. I have to trade my thoughts for good ones sometimes, to remember to be happy. And why do I do that? Because I know good stuff is coming. There's a baby or two out there just for me! Hopefully a lot more than that. And I'm trying my best to bring them into our family. Now whether we have them naturally, use an expert's help or adopt them is to be determined. But whatever it is I'll do it.
    But next year has to be better. I will see it happen, this is me right now willing it into existence. I can't wait to eliminate this aspect of my life in 2016. I am determined to "fix" it. Alright, I think that's about it for this tough bit. Signing off as my last year, fingers crossed, as a unpregnant woman!

    Oh yeah- substantial, immense, prodigious, titanic and sweeping thanks to Graham for being with me through it all. For skipping lunches to come to appointments, for letting me cry and understanding why that was, for reassuring me things will work out, for asking to rely on my faith, for taking me to new places when being at home just felt miserable, for praying for my peace instead of his own, for being the best friend I could ever have throughout any situation, but particularly this one. There was never a person I craved more when life just felt bleak. I can't wait to make you a father one day.

Hendricks Ave Ward Christmas Party 2015

    Santa's Fav Brunette! Finally a shirt for us brown headed girls, eh? Graham was in charge of our Ward Party- boy was it work! When he is in charge I definitely pull my weight as his co-pilot. Together we tried to work very hard into getting all of the right things in order for enjoyable party for all. Some of the things necessary include: a distribution of setting up, food, decorations, games, general merriment and also taking down. Graham and I hashed out a rough draft, we received a thumbs up from the High Priest, then he passed out various assignments to the auxiliary leaders and we were set. "Keeping Christ in Christmas" was the chosen theme. He wanted to remind everyone of the reason for the season. After the gathering of supplies on the day of, it began without a hitch. We watched the nativity video, we had 2 quick speeches, we played 2 fun games and lastly wrote out our own gift to Jesus for the upcoming year. It went swell. I sure do hope he doesn't have to plan another one for a long time though because it wore me out! But I sure am glad I married this man. Even when I see him in his Grandma's sweater. ;)

LowKey WannaBe Photographer

    Did ya'll know I'm a photographer?!? Oh yeah, I'm not. But I was asked to play one for a day and it was incredibly fulfilling. My best friend Miranda asked me to come over to Jax Beach to take a few pictures for Save the Dates cards for their upcoming wedding. As Matron of Honor, I was beyond happy to comply!
    Whenever you're doing a service to someone, particularly wedding related, it's harder to come by a more easy going couple. Seriously Miranda and Jeremy just hung out, without high expectations, and let me help with their wardrobe, props and poses. I can not emphasize how laid back they were, Miranda had a few ideas for particularly pictures but they were both very flexible on everything else. It was every creative person's dream- two handsome, simplistic muses! As we walked over to the beach she informed me that they were going to pass these off as official engagement pictures and I was floored. I had anticipated doing some low-key pictures and I knew I would have prepared much better otherwise. But I gotta say, the reason I enjoy being around them so much is cause they just brushed it off and said they would be fine with anything. Plus, knowing we all grew up in rural Georgia and winded up in Jacksonville is some kinda fun to me.
    We went with their theme (can't give too much away as they're sending them off soon) and they turned out so cute. I can't believe my little camera pulled off such good quality photographs- thanks little guy! It really let me flex my creative muscles. I dream so often of being well rounded in ways of craftiness and beauty- it was nice to feel like what I did turned out well. A pat on the back for myself (which after rolling all around "to get the shot" I think is deserved). So check below for a candid of them! It's out of focus and the surrounding isn't too evident but still so gorgeous, which makes it perfect for this post. Thanks for asking me ya'll!

WL + Cole (Visit #1)

    WL and Cole are 2 of my first cousins, but my  being 14 and 17 when they were born respectively, I'm consider our relationship more like a aunt-nephew one. Anything they do or say just makes me want to spoil them relentlessly. So when Cole began to cry because he couldn't come to my house I knew it was time to have them over for the weekend.
    These two had big plans and I think we delivered. Friday we went to downtown Jacksonville to show off my favorite bit of J'ville at night. We strolled by Friendship Fountain, walked underneath the renovated walkway, scaled the Matthew's bridge (halfway through Wl said, "Oh my gosh! I'm afraid of heights!"), enjoyed the Christmas Tree over at the Landing. When we walked along the wharf we heard chanting "10, 9, 8, 7..." and as we turned to look enormous fireworks shot off overhead! We didn't even know that was scheduled, just luckily stumbled across it. We sat on benches and watched, snug as three bugs in a rug :)
    The next morning we slept in, watched a little Lego's Spinjitzu and had a big breakfast. (Graham: "Hey! You never feed me on Saturday mornings.") I helped the boys brush their teeth, comb their hair, put on deodorant and clean their ears- they looked and smelt so fresh and clean I couldn't quit kissing them. We left for the MOSH. The whole way there WL was just about to jump out from his seat, "Science and History are my favorite subjects!" The boys did every single thing in the Museum, including the Hurricane Simulator and a Planetarium showing a Laser show on Happy Holidays. We saw the animals, went through the severe weather exhibit and held crustaceans. They had a ball! The only reason we left was to grab a quick lunch.
    Afterwards we went home and prepared for ice skating! Since I mentioned it about a week before the boys were thrilled ad kept bringing it up. I knew that I would be completely responsible for teaching them, as Graham refuses on principle to get on the  ice, but I was so excited anyway. We went, laced up our shoes and spent the rest of the time holding on the the railings to scoot around. Sometimes the boys would let me grab their hand and take them into the center of the rink, but then I would feel guilty for the other brother being alone, so we would turn back. A few times I had both boys in my hands and would be responsible for yanking them up when their feet would slip out from under them. I was exhausted whenever we finished, my ankles throbbing from the pressure I applied as I pulled WL or Cole up from the ice. They were so cute in their little shoes though! They enjoyed going around though they did slip a few times. However, never again will I do it alone- it was incredibly vexing. But, since they are my babies I don't regret going for a minute.
    That afternoon Graham left to go to a Gator game. We went to the Dollar Tree, played several board games (these kids! they love them! they wanted to play into all hours of the night!) and we watched movies. Snuggling with them with some snacks on hand is an eternal highlight of mine.
    Sunday morning they were so excited to go to Church (awe, what a blessing). They looked like 2 angels with gel in their hand and sweet little bow ties on. They patiently sat in the pews and only became restless after about an hour. Whenever they began to lose it, I instructed WL to draw all of the ant species he could remember and I challenged Cole to multiple games of tic-tac-toe. I looked over one time and they had woven their fingers together to hold hands. My heart could have burst! They went on to class and had an enjoyable time.

    Whenever we left church we packed up. They said they wanted to stay longer! But school was starting the next day and my energy was spent. We met up with my Grandma and Aunt where the boys were woken from their slumber. We finally parted ways. 

    It's very challenging for me not to be able to be with my family all the time. I miss gatherings and birthday parties and talks in church almost religiously. But I'm glad that when they can come visit there is much to do and lots of love between us. I'm being annoying sappy but whatever. 

    

    My friend Lindley has a bit on her blog called "Kid Quotes" which I decided to snag since these kids kept me laughing. So enjoy the words of a 6 & 9 year old! 

Cole- "Knock, knock."

Lacey- "Who's there?"

Cole- "Banana split fart cheeks!"

*Walking on the boardwalk*

WL- "Cole! Come here! Right now! You'll get snatched!"

(Repeated 3 times) 

Lacey- "Cole, no more jumping off the stage."

*Purposely tips himself over the edge and falls*

Cole- "Oops! I didn't try to! That wasn't on purpose!"

WL- "I'm grateful for my mom, my dad, ants, vultures, vegetation..."

*Discussing finding out about their new sister and how Cole wanted a boy*

Cole- "I wanted a junior. I wanted to name him Xbox TV Junior"

Graham- "The point of a junior is to name them after a person-"

Cole- "HUSH ABOUT MY JUNIOR!"

I look so strung out, I can't stop laughing.

    By the end of the weekend, they couldn't even last 1 hour in the car before falling asleep. Thanks for coming boys! I can't wait to have ya'll over again.

Thanksgiving 2015

    Hey there! Remember me? Author of this blog? I was on such a blogging train, then I finally jumped off I guess. Our laptop screen broke twice in 2 weeks, we've been swamped with school/church/Christmas prep and I've just felt tired in my bones. The change in weather in combination with the darkness at 5pm is really altering my schedule. I can barely stay awake at normal hours of the night and all bits of motivation are flown out the window.
    Thanksgiving came to pass with great effort. Graham and I rushed to 3 feasts and the memorial service for a friend (always hard to do). We ate all kinds of turkey, ham, pork roast, casseroles, potatoes, salads, cranberries, breads, pies, cakes, candies and so forth. On the worst day possible, Graham spent the day sick! This man loves to eat more than anyone I know, in all seriousness, so he was very disappointed. Oh well, he still ate at every location.You know, I can never see this holiday without realizing how blessed my families have been. We have a good meal, good companionship and good memories for later. Spending time together is always a special treat.

The highlights:

    At the Daniel Thanksgiving several of my cousins traveled down to join in, these said cousins hadn't visited since I was a sophomore in high school. We all enjoyed reconnecting without a computer screen in front of us. It was also shocking to see how tall and handsome all the boys have became :)

    At the Mizell Thanksgiving lots of hugs and kisses were for Kellan and Bentley. What is it that draws me to darling babies? These two are little pals who are both together several days out of the week while at my Grandma's. We walked outside together, B was in my arms, but Kellan is 2 and independent so he was going solo. I sat on the passenger side of the golf cart making merry with the babe and Kellan pretended to drive while playing with the steering wheel and making noises. Suddenly he stomped the gas, while the gold cart was turned on completely unbeknownst to us, and we began flying across the yard, nearing a shed. I was screaming and holding on to a flailing Bentley who was crying because I was terrified and gripping her tighter to make sure she didn't fall out of my grasp, my Uncle and Grandma realized what was going on and they began to run behind with arms outstretched (just like cartoons). Kellan was still pressing the gas, when I finally managed to press the brake so that effort was futile as we continued going towards the shed. After a couple seconds I yanked his whole body up and he let off the gas and we finally stopped a few feet from the shed. Both babies were dangling and crying. A couple people rush outside to see what the heck I'm going on about and why the kiddies are going a little berserk. By the time we got off my heart was pounding! Talk about 3 little lives flashing before my eyes.

    At the Alexander Thanksgiving they like to go around the table and share what they're grateful for. Graham's answer was for me & that I was an example to him (cue the awe's from yours truly) and mine was for my health (my best friend's service was fresh in my mind)- everyone else said my niece! She is the cutest and sweetest of the bunch, all the while celebrating her first Thanksgiving. She has made our family so much happier and makes us want to get together way more often- so that was a very good response. Oh, and I baked my first apple pie! It was yummy with ice cream :)

November Update: OHSS

     Every time I finish up a fertility post, I know there will inevitably be a few family members who just don't understand what I'm trying to convey. I get it, the lingo is unfamiliar to the mass population. Trying to wrap your mind around it all can be very confusing, trust me, it's the same for me half the time. If you ever leave scratching your head- I apologize! Please reach out with any questions: 1) I love being a know-it-all 2) I am very eager to help others learn more about infertility.
    November was harsh! I wrote it all up, it mainly consisted of being a swollen guinea pig all month. After leaving my clinic knowing that we would not be able to further our treatment for the month, I came home to wait it out.
    Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome- that's what the last two weeks have been. My doctor told me that I would be a possible candidate and I did have a minor case. When I began to have cramping and discomfort I decided to look up some more information on the subject, to figure out what was going on with my body, this is what I learned: The average ovary is between three to five inches. I had eleven mature follicles, which are the sacs that holds a woman's egg, on my left side that were half an inch wide. My right ovary had 9 mature follicles, but it didn't offer near the amount of discomfort. So my poor little left ovary was truly bursting at the seams! 
    I consider it low-key because I didn't wind up in the hospital, however it was extremely painful at times. Whenever I would turn to my left side, raise my knees up, sit down into a chair or have any light pressure on my pelvic area it would cause throb horrifically. After a few days of this I was worried if I was undermining how severe it actually was, and since I had no experience I wasn't sure what was normal. I wished I had a friend who had endured it to absolve my worries, yet, I never felt the need to call my doctor, so I can only assume it was a typical case. I was incredibly relieved when my pain began to subside, about 12 days after ovulating ;)
    The physical part is never as bad as the mental though. This month was not the worst by any means, yet it was aggravating to go through highs and lows in a short period of time. One of my problems is that I tend to over-romanticize things. I think of Saturday mornings where the two of us will sleep in and I'll just throw our child in between us for more snuggles. Or family pictures where everyone can see how it was worth it I go through my struggles. It's so much easier than to think of all the other difficult things (and days) that can come from giving birth to a small human.
    It is exceptionally interesting to me how different men and women view things. The way Graham thinks of a child seems to be very abstract. Despite who says the prayer, it's always mentioned by one of us, but it's easier for me to actually understand that it will entail I think. I wonder about the connection of a father and a child. I have had friends share experiences where fatherhood isn't always understood as well until the day of arrival; I'm curious if Graham will feel that way. Meanwhile, I think I will feel very connected, perhaps because of instinct or infertility, I don't know. I already feel very, very strongly that I will adore any little spirit that will come into our home. And I'm sick of this waiting already!
    But I guess I'll keep on regardless (aka no choice in the matter). I am undecided as to whether we'll pursue this month or if we will just enjoy the Holidays without the stress of it all. I haven't though too seriously on the matter, as the OHSS has kept me from having any sort of baby-thoughts. I'm waiting on a little guidance to see what we will do. I can say that I feel confident that the right thing will happen in the right time, now how will I know when that is? Impatient lady over here! Get on that, body! 

    I don't want to share another depressing sonogram, so here I am post- OHSS with my main squeeze. Seriously, I couldn't do this thing without him. Literally and figuratively. 

One Year without Nicole

    One year ago today, though on Thanksgiving, I spent most of the day without knowing that my life had inexplicably changed forever. That evening when I found out about everything, I could only ask why. I prayed with vigor and diligence but still felt empty- it just didn't add up. Everyone who loved her went through the motions of a funeral, a burial and adjusting to life after her death. I just couldn't (and sometimes still can't) understand it all. 
    About 6 months ago I woke up from a dream in serious, hard tears. The setting was probably the strangest part of the dream. Everyone had business clothes, there were cubicles all around with a skyview outside the window. I was standing around without a reason, waiting maybe? Then I saw my Nicole walking towards me. In my dream I recognized that she had already passed away. I burst into crocodile tears and ran to her. I hugged her for what could have been an eternity while letting my emotions spill out. She was smiling so brightly, she had a sense of light around her. She brought me peace as she said, "Lacey, I'm okay! I'm okay!" Her warmth spread towards me as I understood the meaning behind her simple words: She was okay. When I woke up, though I didn't have answers, I knew that the dream was more than a coincidence.
    This past year has been really hard for me, especially when I tie in the mourning. I haven't written too much about it because it's not my way of grieving. I do it more when I'm alone lost my thoughts or when surrounded with our mutual friends. It's one of the hardest things to keep going after someone you love passes. She was undoubtedly the closest person to me that I've experienced losing. Even to use the term 'hard' just isn't strong enough- there are countless emotions that come with loss, something I didn't realize. I feel guilt that she isn't here to continue growing up, while I am. I feel sorrowful for her family and friends who are constantly reminded by her memories but can never have her presence again. I feel happy that we did have great memories that I can use when I'm at my lowest. I feel angry knowing that she didn't deserve to have her life cut short. I think about these, but it always comes back to my dream: I feel confident that she IS OKAY where she is now. 
    Yesterday Graham and I dropped by for her candlelight vigil held at her grave site. Let me start by saying that she truly has the most beautiful set up of anyone I've ever seen, it just fits her. There is a little bench that I sat on as I held my candle, watching the tiny flame flicker back and forth. I conjured up our best memories and offered a prayer of immense gratitude that I was apart of her life for many years. I prayed for solace for everyone on the following difficult days that will inevitably come this next year. I pondered a moment longer on why the Lord chooses specific people to come back earlier than others. I packed my candle in the car and drove towards home. I was recapping my dream to Graham and shared some of my questions with him. We turned onto the main road and chills shot up my spin. A vibrant rainbow was in the sky, directly over her memorial service. It was overwhelming. Calling that a coincidence just wouldn't be right. I think it was a sign, whether from her or God himself. It was another stamp that she would always be with us, that she would never leave as long as our memories held and that she really is in a better place. I hope to never forget the serenity I felt in that moment. 
    Nicole was such a beautiful, energetic, special friend. She was truly the epitome of fun! I miss that so much. When I was searching for pictures, I realized that we listed each other as sisters on Facebook; her, Miranda and I loved each other as if we were so. There have been countless times where I've longed to ask her a question, to hear about her life, to meet up and talk about the years of craziness we shared- I doubt that will ever stop. I will always cherish and honor our time together, but I'll keep on missing her just the same. 

    Always in the remembrance of my best friend Nicole Torpea.

November: Monthly L+G

    Lately our little home has felt very busy! We have just had a list a mile long, and we have slowly checked off a thing or two here, a thing or two there. Let's get it started with the most hilarious picture of all time:

-I helped prepare our 2015 Night of Excellence. The Young Women program in the LDS church works on Personal Progress (basically experiences and projects based on certain values: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, etc) throughout the year and we display/showcase a project of choice. The YW President created the theme "Color Me Beautiful." I was in charge of decorations, so I gathered my Pinterest ideas and the sweat off the brow's of our youth :) We ended up making a multicolored balloon banner, tulle bows, tissue pom poms and another banner with our theme's name on it. The other leaders helped by prepared food or speaking at our event. It was a very simple night, but it turned out to be really cute! Each of our Young Women stood up to speak, as they did I felt the Holy Ghost so prevalent from their words. They are a shining light for their generation. There is no comparison to those kinds of spiritual moments as a leader. It was a great night, one that I am proud to be apart of!

I left my camera at home accidentally, sorry for the crummy cell phone quality.

-I bought tickets to Justin Bieber's PURPOSE tour. Okay, hear me out! JB's new music has been hitting the spot recently (see: Where Are You Now, Sorry, What Do You Mean), it's been very, very good for his career I'm sure. He's kind of making the transition from annoying teenager to successful adult (that's still a jerk). Regardless, I'm going in June with my sister as a companion- Graham would rather have his eyes jabbed with toothpicks- to the Jacksonville arena and we are gonna JAM. Oh and fun fact, when JB first came out Listi was a  love-struck 14 year old. She would listen to him relentlessly, since we shared a room I hated his everlasting guts because I couldn't stand the continual loop. At one point, she was so devoted to him that she proved it by deleting EVERY OTHER SONG besides his album! A hundred other songs, lost at the bay of insanity. That's still hilarious to me.

-Prepping for Thanksgiving! I have to say, I've really stepped into my cooking shoes. I have grown to enjoy making meals for Graham and I, it is fulfilling to enjoy something from my own hand (insert bashful emoji). But, huge Achilles heel here, I despise cooking for others! Now when the missionaries come I feel like they aren't too judgmental, so they're okay, but cooking for friends or families gives me anxiety out the ying- yang. If this holiday wasn't all about the food it wouldn't be so bad! But since it is, I'll dread it until it's over with. I'm just weird like that.

-We were gifted a table and dryer! Here's the back story on those... Whenever we were just about to get married Graham bought several $100 giftcards from Rooms to Go (there was a special, buy one, get $100 free! It couldn't of been one bit better for newlyweds.) He purchased our pull- out couch, that we are both obsessed with, and our table. We moved in, the furniture was delivered and my sister-in-law and I assembled the table. This table was the tiniest, 4 people would have to squeeze, most inconvenient for hosting guests. It also was exceptionally tall, but we went with it. There wasn't really enough problems to warrant getting a new one, so for the past 30 months we have persevered. And the dryer. The dryer. THE DRYER. A girl needs a dryer, unless they have access to an outside hanging line, right? Ours was a handmedown from my Uncle, which was great, and it worked just fine. After a year and a half of steady use it began to screech LOUDLY. If it was running we couldn't sleep, watch tv, be on the phone, and eventually we began to only let it run as we were leaving the house. The neighbors began to complain that they could hear it, even the ones across the hall, so we quit using it. We had big plans to grab a new one but never got around to it, plus we didn't have any way to transport it. Instead, our clothes were hung out to dry on our tiny table for 11 months, meaning they were wrinkly and I could only wash one load per day. Now that we have our table and dryer, we feel like we're living it big! Life's a pleasure! I am so happy for these modern day conveniences.

-I've been doing a great deal of cleaning around this apartment. I'm so serious, these Lysol Disinfectant Wipes make cleaning certain things very simple. My next job is to tackle the "guest bedroom" which is half nursery, half storage room. Bringing in all these new pieces in my home has further inspired me to keep it in mint condition. And as soon as I had the kitchen sparkling, I decided to make Snickerdoodle Popcorn. which was a gigantic mess, but a delicious choice :)

-My niece is currently sick with a cold, but here is a picture of her being the sweetest! This is her "I'm about to get into everything" face. She is as curious and brave as the day is long. She enjoys crawling and standing in the most perilous places. She wants to eat everything in sight (when she isn't sick) and tries a bit of all my meals. This little girl, with her current Rudolph nose, brings a smile to my face. I love this Auntie gig.

My Take on the Refugees as a Christian

    I've thought an awful lot about what I want to say. The older I get the more I can see a big divide between people's way of thinking. There are so many opinions, a variety of approaches to those opinions and the only way to know who is right to use hindsight after the fact.
    As I recall every member of the Islamic faith I've ever known, I can only reflect on them with fondness. They hold as strongly to their values as I do. They want to love and help the world. They are normal and good and not worthy of the negativity that is being heaped upon them.
    I can't get the recent bits of hatred, terrorism and innocence out of my head. My heart hurts for France and their suffering. My heart hurts for Syrian refugees, and all those who didn't wish this to occur, yet will feel the inevitable backlash. My heart hurts for every single guiltless person who will endure pain throughout this time of turmoil. The world we are living is full of such deep rooted pain for many people.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/syrian-refugee-photos_564a319ee4b045bf3df04d49?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000013&section=politics

    I read a brief article that showed this picture of this tiny boy left in war-torn Syria. It haunts me. It brings chills over my body. I look at those big brown sad eyes. This photo was mixed in with others that showed children sitting on tanks, men standing on what once was tall apartment, dead bodies wrapped in sheets laying on the street to be identified. But this baby who just happened to be born in a tumultuous time, who had no say-so over the conditions of his birth, who can't escape alone- he sticks with me. How can I forget this small boy, with his dirty face, who has seen more graphic, horrific things than many 20 times his age?
    I can't and I don't want to. His life is important. Instead, I want to help him. I prayed so fervently last night that he and his family would be safe. That their country would win over the reign of hatred, that ISIS wickedness would stop being projected over the world. Then I thought, it's possible that he isn't even alive right now, that these prayers are fruitless. How horrific, but that's honest.
    I am angry/frustrated/livid that a few Extremists are doing things that create hardships for all Muslims- most of who don't feel the same way. Who despise what they're doing in religion's name. Who hope they'll stop causing persecution for them. That need help and don't wish harm on anyone. In the end, the world's hatred towards Islam is what can help propel them to go to these crazies, under the false pretenses that they're the only ones who care for them. What a shame.
    So what should we do? I don't have all the correct answers alone. American citizen's don't. Politicians don't. That's why our votes and our voices matter so much, so that we can come together with viable solutions.
    These refugees with their shattered lives, who I'm sure would rather stay in their countries in different circumstances, are suffering greatly. They have been/will continue to be turned away from so many places because of radicals they don't agree with because, there isn't time to really sift through who is dangerous and who isn't. I have tried to think of the options: If we don't help they're stuck in a horrendous, disgusting situation. Innocent people will die, their country (and maybe others) will be destroyed, they innocent will never realize what compassion, gentleness and love is from Christian people. If we do help then we're seen as aiding terrorism. People will say that we're forgetting our own, that it isn't our job, that we're giving assistance to people who could hurt America later.
    Is it possible to aid everyone? To help our homeless, our veterans, the lower class and these poor impoverished refugees who are safe? How can we do this? Why wouldn't our country do this? I want to do this!
    I think of Jesus Christ, a man who truly was perfect. A man who loved the meek, the faithful, the sinners alike. And I pray so hard that things will ease up and that our leaders will know what to do. That if I can help, I will be able to take courage and do so. I ask that everyone join me in this, it's devastating for everyone.
   

Sufjan Stevens//Hollywood Studios

    Well, guess what, I've done it. I finally managed to beat my blogging rut. For the past two years I have managed to pound out exactly 66 articles per year. This is my 67th! Yay for Meeeeee. Now prepare to read about what happened to me last weekend (Nov 6&7)

    Back in July we bought tickets to a concert with my fav Sister and Brother in Law, to see a Mr. Sufjan Stevens. This past Friday G and I cruised down there, showing up right before it got started. We had the best time, especially since not one person sang when he performed, which was a first for me. It was very intriguing set of songs, his voice was so melodic and, boy, was it a good show! And at the end he joined with the opening performer, Gallant, where they joined together in singing HOTLINE BLING with Drake's photo in the backdrop. Glorious!

    The next day Graham and I did the usual, Disney World :) We spent the day at Hollywood Studios. While walking around, I finally saw the mouse ears with added names and we picked it up. (Note to all Disney friends- it wasn't the least bit aggravating! I completely forgot about it once I put it on.) We really had a great time playing the photographer gig towards each other, notice photos below. At lunchtime we went over to Epcot for the last visit of ours of the Food and Wine Festival. We ate at Hawaii, Ireland, Belgium, New Zealand and Mexico. Then back to ride roller coasters in Hollywood! We meandered around to enjoy the time we had before dark. As soon as it became so, we went to see the Dancing Lights. We always enjoy going to see, hear and feel the artificial snow. It's really fantastic. I have a little video that I might post later to show anyone who hasn't seen it. Disney is the best place to be at near the holidays!

    We left the park by 7pm, looked like a heroin addict as I gave myself a shot in the parking lot, dropped by the OG for a bit of whole wheat pasta and made it home before too late. Loooooove times when it's just me and my boy.