25 years old; that number just shocks me. I guess once I hit 21 I thought time stood still and you never get to a point where you feel older? Part of my tagline for this specific blog is "all of my adventures through adulthood"- I still have to remind myself that I'm a grown woman (this would probs be the perfect time to say 'that don't need no man' if I didn't have a man that I'm glued to his hip ;) Seriously though, how am I a grown-up? Shouldn't someone still be responsible for me? It's weird for me to embrace age.
    And now to transition to the real point of why I'm here- a birthday gift for my Quarter of Century. It was really an easy decision.... I've went pretty underground this past year about many of our serious struggles, there is never a good time to share. Collectively, our family has had a VERY HARD past few months, and if I'm being honest, 2 years. I can't help but to be so proud of Graham and myself because of how we have responded and made it through. It's hard feeling like every time you share something it's harsh or overwhelming; I like to be funny and goofy and share about all the silliest parts of our lives, so it's been aggravating to have a perpetual dark cloud overhead. There are goals that we want to reach, and the one that's at the forefront right now is becoming parents. Whomp, whomp. We have went through an additional a year full of doctor's visits, medications, emotional turmoil, the greats ups followed by a smack of a downturn. At last we felt it was time to do the most expensive, most precise and most involved process the scientific community can offer.... we are going through with in vitro fertilization.
    It's terrifying! It's exciting! It's more emotions than I can count (as well as dollars- so if you ask us to do anything that involves a price tag the chances are that we will say no :) I know there are people that disagree with this type of process- but honestly I don't want to hear a single qualm against it. Additionally, I'm a junky who likes to share some, but we are choosing NOT to give more information about when everything will happen. I am not going to give a timeline or results, at this point in time. It was made after lots of thoughts on the matter, mostly because that adds far too much pressure on me for the process to be a success. I know it seems preemptive to share with everyon, but the doctor's have given us good statistics and I firmly believe that it can only go better with prayer. Graham and I will be doing all we can so that it will work out for us.
    I had the most vivid dream last night and I decided to share it. It was so delightful that I partially wish I wouldn't of had it. The whole premise relied on the fact that I fell pregnant through IVF and chose not to tell everyone (obviously unrealistic but entertaining, nonetheless). We eventually gave birth and I had a distinct moment of laying a baby in my unsuspecting Mama's arms, where she was floored, and hearing comments like "that's an Alexander, no doubt!" It was so hard to wake up to reality, where I feel so empty for not being able to have a baby. My mental state has eternally been affected through this challenge. But on the flip side, it also seems like a birthday gift, one that offered me the ability to see how happy I will be. I am so grateful to know that better times lie ahead!
    If you would like to give me a gift for my special day, I'd ask that you join us in prayer to be able to reach the goals of our hearts. It's so humbling to have to seek help many different individuals in this ultra-sacred time, this part of it can be hard because of the vulnerability we are left to expose. A huge part of me would rather wing it alone than express constant fear and needs. We just want it to work out. I know that it can and I need it to. We know that nothing completely entitles us to be able to create life, but we hope to do so anyways. Thanks for putting up with yet another heavy dosage of depressing talks on my body's inability to do natural functions- I really wish I had more to write about too ;)

    The good thing is as soon as I can figure out how to transfer mass amounts of Google Drive photos I'll finally get around to a wonderful family vacation we went on to the Smokies ;) Yay for axing off the stifling topics that seem to sway overhead. Any techies that know how to move many at once? 

Labor Day 2016

    We have forgone our annual Walt Disney World passes in lieu of Universal Studios passes! It's certainly a new experience, as I had only been to 1 of the 2 parks (in 2013) before grabbing them. They are actually pretty reasonable, price wise- always a perk. Graham and I met up with two of our favorite people, Austin and Katie, and spent 2 days at the parks having a grand old time. One of the best parts is that since it's all so new, I still have several rides left to enjoy, new places to eat and shows to watch.
     Without doubt, Harry Potter World is a favorite of mine; I love just walking around the shops with the music playing in the background! Since I'm an old bat, I always seem to get emotional thinking about what a huge spiel HP played in my childhood Meanwhile, Graham loves the theming of the different areas and avoids most of the coasters like the plague.
    Between our days at Universal (Saturday and Monday), we enjoyed walking around Celebration, Florida and Disney Springs. Graham and I dawdled in Celebration when it began to sprinkle, sitting under a nice covered bench. Soon enough it began to come down in sheets at an angle and we had to walk/run about a mile back to our car. By the time we got in, we remarked how we have been able to be so carefree up until this point in marriage, we have had moments of unabashed joy in the most silly circumstances. By the time we went to Disney Springs, we both had an umbrella, I let Graham use the poncho and I added a long sleeved sweater on. Also, they have really revamped it and it looks great. We were so impressed.
    It's been fun to give it a go at new parks! We have access to Universal Studios, Islands of Adventure and City Walk until next September, so be sure to get with us, if you plan to go ;)

Listi Leaves for BYUI

    Listi is on the road again, or rather has already left on the road. She called me up a few months ago (right after she got back from the mission) to search for plane tickets out West. She had decided to attend Brigham Young University- Idaho and was accepted to attend in September. Since she had been through the mill cramming her whole life into a few suitcases, she knew the routine. Finally, the time had came! She sent in her two week notice, printed off her flight information, had bags stuffed full and met up with me to spend her last night on the East Coast in the city of her departing flight.
    The two of us met our first cousin Hillary and her family for breakfast biscuits the next morning. We reminisced about some hilarious family moments, since we were neighbors growing up. Then we ran around fulfilling errands until she needed to get to the airport. I laughed and laughed at seeing all of her luggage- it was so slammed that she had to really apply pressure to get the zipper to move.
    When it came time for her to check both bags, they were weighed. To check two bags under 50 lbs. was going to cost $60- not bad considering she had 4 months of things in two bags. We anticipated that amount and already had it in hand. When the scales showed they were 56 lbs. and 51 lbs. the grand total came to $360. Wait- WHAT. We nearly lost it! 7 pounds was worth an additional three hundred dollars? Goodbye, United. We quickly sat down and began to shuffle things into her purse and duffel bag (since carry on items aren't weighed). After feeling like we were successful, Listi had one bag at 48.5 lbs. and another at 51 lbs. which rang up at a total of $160! We were livid! So walked back to the courtesy seats and shuffled some more, stuffing that duffel bag with more weight. The next time they were weighed they both passed requirements and she only paid $60 for both. The more we discussed it, the more aggravated we got- it just seemed wrong. Alas, it worked out so we eventually moved on from it.
     After meeting up with Hillary and Bentley in the airport, snapping some last minute pictures, it was time to see her leave. I couldn't help but think about her leaving for her mission, so similar yet so different entirely. As soon as she went through security I was able to text and call her, Facetime'ing when we wanted to. Yep, very different.
    She did have a funny experience during her first layover. She didn't realize that when they offered to check her duffel bag on the first plane that she would need to grab it before getting on the second. Just like that she left her bag in Texas! She spent the next three days without a pillow, sheets, snacks and a few other things she stuffed in there. A really nice friend offered to drive her thirty minutes to the city where the bag was eventually brought into. It made me very happy that someone was being charitable for her, when her family can't be there for her.
     Have fun in Idaho, Listi! See you at Christmas!
 

    This is the picture where I asked her to turn around, just to get a last photo to send to our parents. As you can see, this defiant lass didn't even hesitate to walk off though security. She literally never looked back! I wanted to laugh and smack her, simultaneously

. 

Updatez on Baby Talk

    I originally said I would touch bases after my last appointment but, yet again, it was all over the place so I decided to wait until I had answers. Annoying, right? To sum it up where we left off: my little follicle was trying it's best to rally up to a decent size pre-ovulation, after a week of staying the same rate, it grew 3mm on Wednesday and I had to check back in on Friday.
    By Friday I had lost faith that I'd have a successful cycle, mostly because the timing is essential, and I went with low expectations. Well! My follicle grew by a whopping 1mm! It felt worthy of an eye roll at that point. The instructions were to wait it out until the following Monday and to be on high alert for ovulation cramps. Oye. It reminded me of those teenage years when you're just being strung along, little bits of hope that make you cling to whoever. As, I went for my sixth ultrasound in 15 days-  my follicles had shrunk down to 6mm. It went to the opposite ends of the scale from what we wanted.
    After my ultrasound, one of the nurses told me there was a possibility I had ovulated and the egg had released, so we better check by doing some lab work. See what I mean about the bits of hope?Then I had to wait all day Monday and didn't hear back until late this afternoon. Can I just say that waiting when you're trying to remain positive is the WORST? It sure is. The results came in: no ovulation and low estrogen levels. I'm not surprised, last week when everything began to unfold I was, but by today I don't even feel that sad.
    What was super neat was to get to discuss how infertility impacts me with my nurse. I've know her for a year but she just opened up at that appointment about her failed IVF attempts. We discussed comments people have said that left us livid and the heartache we share, that others don't understand sometimes. What was interesting to me was the fact that I could see that we were in different mentalities- I am (mostly) past the distraught, unjust phase. That took a long time but I like where I'm at. Sure, that will always come and go but I've accepted that this is my lot in life and that I want to use it to educate and encourage others to be more aware of how common it is and how it affects the people who endure it. Someone private messaged me about how to approach and speak on infertility with loved ones- I was thrilled. What a privilege!
    So, some affirmations. We will have a baby, it won't happen this month but it will eventually. I am still very blessed in so many regards, which I remind myself daily. There is a General Conference talk that I am delving into that relates so well to this topic, and I'm choosing to be happy.
    I am going to love my future children soooo indescribably much, I can already say that and there isn't any- is that weird? There is a huge place in my heart, I'm hoping the Lord thinks so too and will send some to us through whatever means is appropriate. I know we both have so much love to give! One day, oh yes, one day! In the meantime I'm about to scope out some dessert joints with my husband ;)

    I texted Graham after getting the lab results, and he knew I'd need a little pick me up so he sent me this funny gif from one of our favorite shows. I couldn't stop laughing! I'm so thankful for his humor throughout everything, he makes it easier. Single ladies: don't forget to marry up.

Girl's Trip at my Place

    Right before the summer ended, I received a message from one of my grandmothers asking if they could come for a visit. Of course, I love spending time with everyone and jumped at the chance. We began to plan for a quick overnight trip. Then we decided it may as well be a big trip and invite caboodles of people: cause why not?
     In August, we managed to find a time everyone could come down. I had to kick Graham out and send him over to his parents for more space :) We had to arrange to have multiple air mattresses brought in for all of our sleeping arrangements. Then I had 2 Grandmas, 2 Aunts, 1 Mother, 2 cousins and 1 sister come to  stay the night in my small apartment. My bed, the pull out mattress, 1 queen air mattress, 2 twin air mattresses and my loveseat were used to give everyone a place to sleep. It was a packed place, but we didn't mind it. We enjoyed going out to eat together, cooking up a big breakfast at home and strolling through a few shops for goodies. We didn't have any set plans other than to enjoy ourselves, which always creates a stress-free trip!
    My maternal side tries to get together at least annually for a fun little get away- this year we had two! We always manage to have big laughs and that makes it worth any amount of hassle. I look forward to carrying on these traditions when we have children. Thanks for coming over ya'll, love each of you :)

(Silly? I'm the only one who looks over-the-top though.)

AUGUST and the Alexander's (no) Baby-Making News

   Hi. Here I am.Two seconds into typing that all I could think of was Jesus' "Here I am, send me!" (Isaiah 6:8) And you simply can't compare any tale to the one of the Lord, who took on the world's sins then sacrificed himself- you just can't. But I can say that I've had a bit of a rough couple of days and that I don't feel too upset about it, which is a blessing.
   I say going through the process of infertility is a roller coaster- please don't hate me for being repetitive. It's just been such a mess. And there is a good chance it's not easy to understand it, *sigh*. So, let me get you up to speed.
   We took 2 months off for traveling purposes, when we came back in July my Clinic suggested beginning with a low medicated natural cycle. I agreed that this seemed ideal, a nice way to dip back into it by using the basics. To simplify as much as possible the rundown is: I take birth control for 2 weeks, when it ends I begin a cycle, around Day 5 I take several Letrozole tablets which helps to stimulate my inactive follicles and then the monitoring begins about Cycle Day 12 on every other day until my follicle gets to the big enough size for me to get a shot to force ovulation.
  Just to clarify here: a follicle is an outer shell casing for an egg, it needs to be sized at 18-22mm to ideally be triggered, then I ovulate, it sticks to a thick uterine lining, then the follicle spouts off an egg at some point and, if the stars are aligned, it can become a fertilized embryo and begin the process of making a human child! Ok, still following me? That's the gist of the science behind it.
    Well, enough generalizations and back to the Mysterious Body of Lacey. My first ultrasound was last Monday, followed by that same Wednesday, I was scheduled for Friday but had to leave town for a funeral, then came back for one on Monday, trekked up there again on Wednesday and I have one for tomorrow on Friday :) Two of those appointments I had to stay later for blood draws. (And imagine if I wasn't on summer vacation still! It'd be impossible to work and be present for all the days they expect for me to be in.) Usually it's closer to 3 U/S in a natural or IUI cycle, but, and this is why I'm here to explain about my week!
   Despite 18 months of actively trying, we are still trying to learn HOW my body responds; it's a never ending story. Every month we have had some type of bizarre results that makes it hard to nail down what needs to happen correctly. This month did not go as planned. By my 2nd U/S, last Wednesday, my two dominant follicles were at an 11 (decent for that current date), I was asked to come in on the following Monday with my ovulation kick starter shot. I showed up on Monday, bright and early with my meds in tow, just to learn that one follicle shrunk and the other was stagnant- STILL at an 11mm. 5 days which should have been plenty for it get to the right size didn't invoke anything! Then they debated if I naturally ovulated, fluid was present when it shouldn't of been, which if so means we have to cancel the cycle, since my follicle wasn't big enough to produce an egg. I felt slightly crushed but I tried to shake it off, I feel disappointment in that office pretty frequently. What gets me is how composed I am until I make the phone call to Graham- seriously EVERY time I burst into tears in the clinic! I guess I just feel like I can truly act how I'm feeling and I know he will accept it at this point ;) Followed shortly by the walk of shame to the front office to make my next appointment with red eyes and a voice with a catch, woops.
    For some reason or other I was asked to come back on Wednesday for more monitoring, just in case. A blood draw told that I hadn't ovulated, which was good news. At the next U/S the little follicle that could grew to 14mm! So after 5 days of no growth, it suddently spawned an addition 3mm? Everyone is trying to understand it. So things are, potentially, back on track? It's just hard to say because it's just not an exact science. Raising my hopes is also a sure problem, since it's like a coin toss up at this point. I'm left here to wonder if this month is another bust or if I can hang on to hope that we could be 1 step closer to a real baby? Should we go forward with another IUI or skip to IVF, like some have suggested. It's been indescribably hard to know what to do for the future. Us not being able to have a baby has affected our decisions for moving (how will I find a new clinic? will I have to retest for different things? will we be starting from scratch?) and home-owning (should we buy a house if no kids are in sight? do we need a certain amount of bedrooms? how do we know if this is child-friendly without a child to test it with?) We have explored other options and paid close attention to them, but we just aren't quite there yet in our lives- I can't give up on the fact that I want to literally create a tiny human. Having a real family of our own is so important to us and we are trying to give it the amount of time it requires but to keep living our lives in the meantime- it's a very rough balance. Additionally, a huge strain on a marriage/relationships/friendships because of the emotional, physical and psychological effects. And who knows the answers? It certainly isn't us. I want to be hopeful but I find myself trying to be realistic with the possibilities of our situations.  I'll find out more news tomorrow, for sure. It's so incredibly hectic!

Sunday's Meme

 

    One of the best, most inspirational quotes I've ever heard. Right?! Elder Holland is one of my most favorite leaders and motivational speakers. He sure does know how to make me want to keep on keeping on. Even when everything or barely anything is going just right. Speaking of, earlier in the week I tweeted that I have felt so emotionally balanced and that it was a blessing for me. Then I cried two times before Graham got home that same day, even though nothing was wrong. Oh, hormones! It's a strange time in my life.

    On a very different note, today Graham and I both gave talks during Sacrament meeting. His was over a President Monson's talk on preparation. Meanwhile, I spoke on an incredible address that really felt like it was divinely inspired for me. When you save a girl, you save generations. Wow. I spoke about my own lineage, shared some excellent stories I came across and scriptures that seemed to coincide with the points I wanted to bring up. I really wanted to convey how special women are, how divine our qualities are, how important it is to make good decisions for our future selves. I can't say that it was the best one I've given, but I sure did like the content. 

    Well, that's the gist of it- bits and pieces of my life. This is a post that's just barely there, hanging on by a thread. Kind of how July is feeling, I guess. Things are good all around and I just wanted to drop in to share a few of my rambling thoughts. And that's all folks ;)

Summer 2016

   

    I feel a little like Olaf out of Frozen singing an ode to the wonderful sun-baring season, but it's just nice you know? As a Floridian I can absolutely say that when Fall comes I am quickly trying to usher it out the door, a little spent from the raging heat. But every year as soon as Spring slides past and Summer is born I am reminded to when I was still just a little ragamuffin, wearing oversized tee shirts and Nike slides, thrilled school was over and laying out on my trampoline basking in the sun. Summer was equated to having fun, swimming and running wholeheartedly through the trees when I was growing up.

    Summer as an adult is different. But I think we are lucky enough to still enjoy it for what it is. First up- concerts! Graham and I joined friends in visiting Orlando for Ellie Goulding. She was really fun! Although Graham sure didn't know many of the words to her songs. The next was mine and Listi's tromp with Justin Beiber. For so many years I was a hater, but his newest album Purpose made me see the light. Don't get me wrong, he is the biggest jerk in the history of musical artists, but he sure can put on a show! At different points he floated in a glass box like Willy Wonka, walked up stairs onto a trampoline above his fans where he flipped all over and danced in the middle of a mock- rain downpour (and tripped). It was the most entertained I've ever felt at a concert. And to watch Listi nearly lose her mind when he sung 'Baby' was something I'm pleased to have recorded ;)

    My Uncle Luke, 13 years my senior, and I have always been close. When his children were born I was 14, 17, 20, 24- more like an aunt's age, right? That's exactly what they have felt like to me, we just have a special bond with each other. My darling Lillian Claire made her debut in May and it's been a joy to be around her. WL and Cole came over to stay with me, as part of Cole's 7th birthday request, and we went to every water entity you can imagine: pool hopping, the beach, the water park and they even scuttled around the river hunting for little crabs and minnows. In July we went down for 2 days to stay with them, Kellan, Grandma Marilyn and their parents in their Saint Augustine condo, which was so much fun! We all left with sunburns and smiles.

    As the counselor in Young Women who is on summer vacation, I ended up going out to St. Cloud, FL for Girls Camp. It was EXTREMELY hot, 100 degrees every day I'd say. We had a slammed schedule full of all kinda of camp certifications, spiritual experiences and really neat activites! The girls went horseback riding, axe throwing (that's me with my lucky toss below, I made 1/3 which was a big deal for a weakling like me), archery, shot guns, canoeing/paddle boating and a huuuuge natural waterslide. The girls in my ward are so cute and fun, they better know I love them a whole lot to go without (1) melting into a puddle or (2) leaving to go to Carrabba's. I almost got a picture of everyone, except Sophia who had a bruised clavicle at the time of our boating experience.

    That's been my summer up until now. Lots of hustle and bustle & a few moments of just riding along.  As months roll by, I find myself so much happier and with a better determination for the things I want to achieve. I'm working on a bucketlist, one that I can vigorously check off, and no, it isn't just traveling related ;) Graham and I have started back with our fertility treatments (we took a break for two months while traveling and enjoying each other without the stress of it) and things are going as good as can be. I have been asking for more faith and confidence in the process; I haven't spoken of it much since my last post on it, December or so, because it's hard letting everyone in on this rigorous, personal chapter. Yet, it's been easier knowing others can help bear my burdens. So send up some prayers for me, if you will. And as for the other not-so-great parts of myself- I am trying to become more self aware of my faults- isn't that the hardest? It's easy to analyse everyone else, but, dang, if it's not hard for me to see it in myself. Maybe a little bit of growing up will do the trick? I will be (gulp) 25 soon afterall. But life is good, so good and I'm happy.

London Pt. III

     Getting ready to leave back to our own country is always a mix (1) sad to leave this new nation that we have made great memories at & (2) almost a touch of relief to get back to normalcy and catch up on sleep. Winding down our time in England we had a few last spots to highlight. 

    Changing of the Guard was recommended to us by some family and very highly rated on TripAdvisor. We had originally planned to go earlier in our stay, but instead we had to be flexible and change up our schedule somewhat. We accidentally underestimated the amount of time it would take to get there, so upon arrival it was already 6 people deep to the gates! Ugh, so we did lots of shuffling, standing on tip-toes and raising our cameras into the air to watch the proceedings. We even saw a guard pass out from the heat (so we assume). The pomp and circumstance was showboating the regal guard, complete with large stallions and a boisterous band. 

    After the main show dwindled, so did the crowds. Since we couldn't see too much of it beforehand, we decided to really get into poking around Buckingham Palace. It was more intricate than I remember the White House being, but still the outside didn't scream 'palace' to me. There was tons of lavishly decorated crests and EIIR (sign for Queen Elizabeth the Second). The neighborhood itself was so pretty! Large parks were on the left and right, in the direct center was a pavillion including a grandiose statue of Queen Victoria. It would make a beautiful view to peek out of each morning!

    We spend out last afternoon lying in St. John Wood's Park, where we picnic'ed, laid in the grass and listened to the final chapter of our Audiobook. It was so nice to find these vast areas with little ice cream vendors and shaded spots, they just seemed to be everywhere! We enjoyed London and all that it had to offer, but we did skip to the plane with dreams of macaroni dancing in our head.

    As a last overview: the food was okay (not like Paris, that's for sure), the plays were *INCREDIBLE*, the people were far less friendly than I expected, the city was very modern and clean, the transportation system was doable (though not superbly convenient, once you add in the multiple metro switches), the outlying land was gorgeous, the shopping was for the rich. That's it about England, over and out!

London Pt. II

    The London Eye, ever heard of it? It's essentially a ferris wheel made up of capsules that allow you to walk around in it while moving to see the expanse of London. It was super cool! We booked tickets for the early morning to bypass the crowds, from the suggestion of the trusty TripAdvisor. We had so much fun watching all of the city, it was great that it was 30 minutes worth of watching too! 

    "London Bridge is falling down, falling down." Remember that nursery song? Well I can bet y'all didn't know how surprised we were to hear that the true London Bridge is just some regular old bridge, but the fancy, mesmerizing one is called Tower Bridge. That bridge- I've never, ever seen one that looked better. It was a Victorian blue and grey- with gorgeous steeples and regal English flags flying. 

    Graham was super stoked to visit the British Museum! Europe has the biggest museums, I just don't know if America can compare. We walked through each of the exhibits- my favorites included the Native America of the USA's (go figure) and an incredible showcase of the number of pills that was during an average life of 2 humans. Graham, as always, loved the Egyptian and African artwork. We also witnessed the original Rosetta Stone! I'm serious, I need to write an bucketlist to physically check this stuff off because it was mighty cool.

    The Beatles released an album cover with them walking across Abbey Road that became incredibly famous.Well while in London, it's kind of a staple, right? We jumped off at the St. John's Wood Station and made a beeline to the crosswalk. Let me tell you- it wasn't an easy feat. This busy road had a flow of traffic, a very short amount of time to cross and plenty of tourists with the same quest as ours. We were there for about 45 minutes trying to get one shot! By the end of it, I was just pleased that we had taken it and could leave, ha. 

    Possibly one of the best perks about London was the frequenting the West End for phenomenal plays. In High School I worked with a few little productions we out on and boy, it is so much work! I can really appreciate all that goes into into making it an incredible show and these were some of the best I'd seen. We made 2 stops during our stay, the first being The Woman in Black & the second being Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. TWB was freaky, had an intimate setting and was overall fantastic! I was looking over my shoulder the entire way back to our apartment. CCF was really sweet too It was more aligned than that movie as opposed to the the 1971 one. The actor of Willy Wonka was so talented though, at the tail end when Pure Imagination was playing while they were on the Wonkavator I was brought to tears again! Such a delight. 

    Visiting downtown London at night was much cleaner and nicer than Paris. In the heart of France there are hoards of people who try their hardest to sell their goods- often keychains, little statues of the Eiffel Tower and/or small toys. Londoners didn't have any wanna-be entrepreneurs, probably illegal but I never asked, instead there were steady streams of tourists and street performers. We sat on the banks of the Thames River (Pronounced like Tims! You'd think since they're the original English- speakers they could go actually go by the rules of the language.) and simply enjoyed seeing Big Ben, the Eye and the water rushing underneath.