And now to transition to the real point of why I'm here- a birthday gift for my Quarter of Century. It was really an easy decision.... I've went pretty underground this past year about many of our serious struggles, there is never a good time to share. Collectively, our family has had a VERY HARD past few months, and if I'm being honest, 2 years. I can't help but to be so proud of Graham and myself because of how we have responded and made it through. It's hard feeling like every time you share something it's harsh or overwhelming; I like to be funny and goofy and share about all the silliest parts of our lives, so it's been aggravating to have a perpetual dark cloud overhead. There are goals that we want to reach, and the one that's at the forefront right now is becoming parents. Whomp, whomp. We have went through an additional a year full of doctor's visits, medications, emotional turmoil, the greats ups followed by a smack of a downturn. At last we felt it was time to do the most expensive, most precise and most involved process the scientific community can offer.... we are going through with in vitro fertilization.
It's terrifying! It's exciting! It's more emotions than I can count (as well as dollars- so if you ask us to do anything that involves a price tag the chances are that we will say no :) I know there are people that disagree with this type of process- but honestly I don't want to hear a single qualm against it. Additionally, I'm a junky who likes to share some, but we are choosing NOT to give more information about when everything will happen. I am not going to give a timeline or results, at this point in time. It was made after lots of thoughts on the matter, mostly because that adds far too much pressure on me for the process to be a success. I know it seems preemptive to share with everyon, but the doctor's have given us good statistics and I firmly believe that it can only go better with prayer. Graham and I will be doing all we can so that it will work out for us.
I had the most vivid dream last night and I decided to share it. It was so delightful that I partially wish I wouldn't of had it. The whole premise relied on the fact that I fell pregnant through IVF and chose not to tell everyone (obviously unrealistic but entertaining, nonetheless). We eventually gave birth and I had a distinct moment of laying a baby in my unsuspecting Mama's arms, where she was floored, and hearing comments like "that's an Alexander, no doubt!" It was so hard to wake up to reality, where I feel so empty for not being able to have a baby. My mental state has eternally been affected through this challenge. But on the flip side, it also seems like a birthday gift, one that offered me the ability to see how happy I will be. I am so grateful to know that better times lie ahead!
If you would like to give me a gift for my special day, I'd ask that you join us in prayer to be able to reach the goals of our hearts. It's so humbling to have to seek help many different individuals in this ultra-sacred time, this part of it can be hard because of the vulnerability we are left to expose. A huge part of me would rather wing it alone than express constant fear and needs. We just want it to work out. I know that it can and I need it to. We know that nothing completely entitles us to be able to create life, but we hope to do so anyways. Thanks for putting up with yet another heavy dosage of depressing talks on my body's inability to do natural functions- I really wish I had more to write about too ;)
The good thing is as soon as I can figure out how to transfer mass amounts of Google Drive photos I'll finally get around to a wonderful family vacation we went on to the Smokies ;) Yay for axing off the stifling topics that seem to sway overhead. Any techies that know how to move many at once?
