When I was a little girl I had a specific fear. Like most bizarre phobias do, it had snowballed from a scene from a Lifetime movie. The plot was based on a man who would lure young, beautiful girls onto his boat and when he was finished with them he'd tie a cinderblock to their leg and let them sink to the depths of the ocean. Lately I'm the young girl and my life is the cinderblock, only I'm still trying to decide if there is only one man trying to axe me off or a few.
    I've been dealing with a ton of emotional baggage, my face broke out from stress, a fever blister showed up only to be gone one day for another to take its' place only to be finished for another to take it's place, I keep one red eye because my last contact has a tear in it, my allergies caused my sinuses to be clogged, I have little to no motivation to go to work and leave the sanctity of my home, I was asked to do something that I feel drastically underprepared for and my husband is stressed to the max himself. I'm drowning in things that I can't control. Add the fact that I need to be in control at all times and you've got yourself one psychotic, emotionally-driven gal.
     You know how sometimes it just happens that way? It's bad bad bad bad bad bad then finally out of nowhere it starts getting good? Yeah I'm somewhere in the 'bad' stage waiting on the 'good.' It, for sure, forces me exercise my patience and my faith- both of which I should get better at.
    Well that about sums it up. I'm just waiting for better days, and traveling in between. In all honesty, that is the only thing that makes my life seem fun. Everything else is incredibly mundane, but I know we all go through periods of that. So in short, I hope you weren't prepped for a great story of heartache followed by a solution, I wish I shared more of those- my only advice is to have a great person as a friend to help when times are tough and do something fun when you're down. That's as deep as it gets, sorry ya'll. For now, here is a bunch of recent pictures of Graham and me at Walt Disney World. My gosh, I love and miss that place.

One Year without Nicole

    One year ago today, though on Thanksgiving, I spent most of the day without knowing that my life had inexplicably changed forever. That evening when I found out about everything, I could only ask why. I prayed with vigor and diligence but still felt empty- it just didn't add up. Everyone who loved her went through the motions of a funeral, a burial and adjusting to life after her death. I just couldn't (and sometimes still can't) understand it all. 
    About 6 months ago I woke up from a dream in serious, hard tears. The setting was probably the strangest part of the dream. Everyone had business clothes, there were cubicles all around with a skyview outside the window. I was standing around without a reason, waiting maybe? Then I saw my Nicole walking towards me. In my dream I recognized that she had already passed away. I burst into crocodile tears and ran to her. I hugged her for what could have been an eternity while letting my emotions spill out. She was smiling so brightly, she had a sense of light around her. She brought me peace as she said, "Lacey, I'm okay! I'm okay!" Her warmth spread towards me as I understood the meaning behind her simple words: She was okay. When I woke up, though I didn't have answers, I knew that the dream was more than a coincidence.
    This past year has been really hard for me, especially when I tie in the mourning. I haven't written too much about it because it's not my way of grieving. I do it more when I'm alone lost my thoughts or when surrounded with our mutual friends. It's one of the hardest things to keep going after someone you love passes. She was undoubtedly the closest person to me that I've experienced losing. Even to use the term 'hard' just isn't strong enough- there are countless emotions that come with loss, something I didn't realize. I feel guilt that she isn't here to continue growing up, while I am. I feel sorrowful for her family and friends who are constantly reminded by her memories but can never have her presence again. I feel happy that we did have great memories that I can use when I'm at my lowest. I feel angry knowing that she didn't deserve to have her life cut short. I think about these, but it always comes back to my dream: I feel confident that she IS OKAY where she is now. 
    Yesterday Graham and I dropped by for her candlelight vigil held at her grave site. Let me start by saying that she truly has the most beautiful set up of anyone I've ever seen, it just fits her. There is a little bench that I sat on as I held my candle, watching the tiny flame flicker back and forth. I conjured up our best memories and offered a prayer of immense gratitude that I was apart of her life for many years. I prayed for solace for everyone on the following difficult days that will inevitably come this next year. I pondered a moment longer on why the Lord chooses specific people to come back earlier than others. I packed my candle in the car and drove towards home. I was recapping my dream to Graham and shared some of my questions with him. We turned onto the main road and chills shot up my spin. A vibrant rainbow was in the sky, directly over her memorial service. It was overwhelming. Calling that a coincidence just wouldn't be right. I think it was a sign, whether from her or God himself. It was another stamp that she would always be with us, that she would never leave as long as our memories held and that she really is in a better place. I hope to never forget the serenity I felt in that moment. 
    Nicole was such a beautiful, energetic, special friend. She was truly the epitome of fun! I miss that so much. When I was searching for pictures, I realized that we listed each other as sisters on Facebook; her, Miranda and I loved each other as if we were so. There have been countless times where I've longed to ask her a question, to hear about her life, to meet up and talk about the years of craziness we shared- I doubt that will ever stop. I will always cherish and honor our time together, but I'll keep on missing her just the same. 

    Always in the remembrance of my best friend Nicole Torpea.

Birthday Girl // 24

  24. That's how old I am today. I remember when I graduated my Mama said that after high school you'll blink and it's gone. Now I can nod my head in agreement. How am I already 24?
    This has been the first year that I haven't looked forward to my birthday. Last year I pranced around with my Birthday Week (that we actually celebrated), while this year it just feels stale? I guess some of it may have to do with the different mindset I'm in now, I feel a little more bitter, more anxious. Last year I thought I would be a mother and about to wrap up with school by now. Neither of those has happened yet and I guess you can say I'm disappointed in myself. It's making accepting another year older a little bit more hard.
    But I have to remind myself! Look for the positive. I am so blessed, so extremely blessed. While my year has been stressful, I have friends who never even saw this age. And this is supposed to be among the best time of my life. I'm grateful to be alive!
    I guess maybe that's something I need to work on until my next birthday, seeing the good in all situations. Let's start with here: This morning I woke up to numerous celebratory messages from friends and family. Our bedroom, bathroom and living room had been decorated by a sneaky G. S. Alexander. I was gifted with a manicure and massage (Last night I told myself that I was going to book one! Thanks for being on top of things Grahammy!) I'm going down to Disney World to spend the next 3 days. I'm a lucky girl.
    As a 24 year old woman (I know everyone older than me is scoffing) I hope do to great things! To seek for the good and be the best I can be! To make it an age to remember! So, here's to me for sucking up my pride and embracing all that comes with 24.

Girls Trip to Disney

  

    Two weeks ago 3 ladies, 2 babies, 1 double stroller. 3 suitcases, a breast pump and pumpkin shaped cookies were thrown into one car for a girls trip down in Orlando, Florida, home of the Mouse. The three of us took turns driving the car, wedged in the back seat between the car seats and pushing the stroller all over Magic Kingdom. We ate as much as we wanted. We rode roller coaster and kiddie rides alike. Our time at the MK was short; we finished up fast passes,enjoyed a Dole Whip, watched the parade and took pictures of Echo and Sophie in front of Cinderella's castle. Both of those smiley girls were fantastic all day! Afterwards, we hit up our hotel, huge shoutout to Molly for arranging it! I picked up an order from Olive Garden and we stayed up past our normal bedtimes to talk late into the evening. It was here when I found about Acey's ordeal at the MTC, I was pretty emotional about it all, so I really appreciated Kipin+Molly's words and our joint prayer more than they know.

    On the second day we knew that our main objective was to rush Epcot's Food and Wine Festival. Before the World Showcase opened we jumped on Mission to Mars and Test Track while the babies listened to the street performers. Afterwards blinders were on and to the countries we went! Basically, with the 20 or so little booths with their own appetizers our objective was to eat through as many euphonious ones as possible. Obviously we care nothing for the spirits, but were extremely interested in buying trying other country's food! We ate from the Dominican Republic, Hawaii, Canada, France, Belgium, Germany, New Zealand. They were all so delish! By the time we made our way back around, we did a half circle again for the French ice cream. By this point my feet were about to fall off and I was sick with worry about my brother. We collectively decided to come back home. 

    It's so nice to have friends, you know?. Having people who really care about you is always a peaceful feeling- especially when they're also really witty and outgoing! I loooved our girls' trip and can't wait for the next one :)

New Zealand's Venison Marsala w/a sweet potato. 

September Update

    September. This month was the first time we had used an RE to monitor my cycle. I have felt so at ease, so peaceful; it's been a very nice change compared to all the worry that I feel from my previous cycles. My doctor had me in his office for 2 blood draws and 3 ultrasounds. I had to take a prenatal and a Vitamin D pill every day. One day I had to take 10 tabs of Letrozole at the same time (my pharmacy had to double check that the doctor prescribed it, since it's usually taken in much smaller increments) and then went straight to bed. Halfway through Graham even had to administer a shot into my hip. That was a huge deal, especially since the 2 of us don't have a lick of a medical experience and I have a phobia of needles. Shout out to my BFF Miranda who talked me through it! All of that, so carefully watched, for a babe so incredibly wanted.
    After one ultrasound, my Nurse Practitioner reached underneath the machine and pulled up a square black and white photograph. My small follicle was front and center in my uterus. "For your baby book," she said. I stuffed it in my purse, and when I got to my car I stared at it. The most beautiful little oval I ever did see. This was my baby, potentially anyway. As soon as I got home I put it on my refrigerator and would walk by just to stare at it. I couldn't help thinking of that tiny little dot growing into a full sized human someday.
     After the trigger shot, which make me ovulate, I began to feel sick. Upset stomach, cramping, general discomfort. Dr Google has been like a frenemy to me lately. It said any of this could be a surefire way to know that I was experiencing the fertilization of the egg. This kept on until 2 weeks post- ovulation. And time to take a test. It's weird to feel stuck in two parallels- wanting a positive so bad but having the negative ingrained in your brain. And as sure as anything, the test revealed that we weren't going to be parents just yet.
     I feel frustrated. I can't figure out where we went wrong. We did all the right steps, and every test gave good results (nice egg quality, correct follicle size, I ovulated) but no. And then I turn to the Lord and ask why my pleas weren't answered yet, but I never get a straight- forward answer.
     Month after month we end up doing these things. I can honestly say that it's the most stress I've ever encountered. I now know that I've had to endure another month of the usual "just quit thinking about it," "stop trying, then you will," or "it's the Lord's timing." Okay. Okay. Okay. There isn't a quick, easy fix it! I find it offensive that people even think that, there clearly isn't! It's partly why I trudge on and share every bit of a truly tough situation for me to talk on. My body requires me to jump through certain hoops. I can't just stop treatment and let it happen- my body simply isn't set up that way. My anxiety is, without question, through the roof. But I understand that it isn't easy to comprehend it, particularly from my perspective. Unless you've lived through it you just don't see it in the same way! And lately I've been feeling angry when someone offers a well intended, but insensitive, comment. It simply doesn't help lighten my burden, but adds to it. The best way I can put is this: when you yearn so bad, pray so fervently, follow all of the stupid, over-reaching steps and it's just for naught then someone has the audacity to say something without thinking? People, it's aggravating. I know you're trying to help but please don't try to belittle my feelings in the process (as you can tell my hormones are going stark crazy lately), just remember I'm only human.
    I'll jump off my soapbox for a moment. It isn't always so hard, there are many times where I feel like I can endured it with strength. I am mostly to blame for this time feeling worse than the others. I made the mistake of really allowing myself to hope this might actually be it. It wasn't just one thing, but a series of what I thought were 'hints' that it was the right time: My doctor said we easily could be successful this month, I felt a prompting that it would happen "quickly," I dreamed my doctor said I had perfect results from a blood draw test to check if we were expecting, as I walked in to buy a pregnancy test "I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You" was playing, I dreamed again that I saw double lines on a test. The stars seemed to be aligned- right?
    But, no. No, no, nooo. So it's a no-go for this month. It always takes a lot out of me after a failed cycle and I need time to grieve. I have to have at least one day to cry it out and find peace. To forget what could have been and what really is. I'll trash my follicle's photograph and try to piece myself back together. I'll have to keep on freaking waiting without knowing. (I hate when I use the word 'freaking' but I'm justifying it this one time.)
     I dread it. No one understands how reluctant I am to sit in the sad, infertile office with all the disappointed smiles from the nurses and pictures of newborns smiling down at me. But then again, it's my cross to bear and I'll have to keep lifting it a little longer. I will because there isn't any other option- quitting just ain't for me. If anything that would prolong the joy I seek. I know that Heavenly Father realizes how much I detest all of this, but how strongly I feel that we should have a baby- I guess He knew that I would be able to do this.
    This post feels negative, but I definitely feel uplifted from our most recent General Conference sessions. I know that what I'm going through will not last forever. And I feel peace around the fact that I will be a mother one day. Just not today. And that's still something I'm working on- as my beloved Prophet Thomas S Monson said, "Remember that faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other. Cast out doubt. Cultivate faith."  And I'm trying! Heavenly Father knows I'm trying! But for now I'm going back to the RE to try to figure out what went wrong. Sometimes my dream of actually being able to carry a child of mine and Graham's seems like forever away.

I Choose Happiness

     Did you ever write a really long, drawn out note confessing your love to the handsome boy sitting across from you, but good judgment got the better of you so that letter ended up crumpled in the trash next to broken pencils and failed tests? Yeah, essentially that just happened to me, but with a post about my sorrows.
    Sometimes things just really, really, really make you feel indescribably unhappy. Every single person has some sort of difficult trial(s) they're forced to endure. Lately, mine have felt overwhelming. I've really allowed myself to be sucked into all of my problems. They've been defining me, like they're these big words hanging off my clothes- plain old noticeable.
    Graham asked me if I wanted to be a strength for people? I do, I really wish I could show people that I can undergo any difficult task and come out unscathed. But I can't! I'm human! I have more faults than I'd like to think! Yet, I want people to turn to me, if needed.
    You know what though- I can feel depressed and sob and curse the existence of everything. That's been my way, recently. It finally seemed to dawn on me that perpetuates an unending cycle of negativity. And I feel  F E D  U P.
    From here on out, I want to work extra hard to move past sadness, especially when it's self- induced. I want to choose happiness. And it'll be easy! After all, I've got a wonderful life. I am so loved by many people. I've got a spouse who I adore. I have a warm home. I've got food in my refrigerator. And I've got faith in Jesus Christ and His Father.
    I kept thinking: I choose happiness, I choose to feel like tomorrow will be a good day. I choose to live with dignity. This will work out, and I hope to keep a smile on my face in the meantime :)

"Because I have been given much I too much give, because of thy great bounty Lord each day I live. I shall divide my gift from Thee, with every brother that I see, who has the need of help from me!"

All Things Tangible

    I've been thinking about what is and what isn't. What could be versus reality. There are so many thoughts/ideas that swirl in my head, just begging for me to spend an inordinate amount of time on them. And I find myself doing that; all the while winning the grand prize of 'driving myself crazy.' It's a crummy way to deal with things. Yet, it's so easy to let any problem magnify.

But then I think of the tangible things I have. And I am inspired by them.

     I am committing myself to remember to show more gratitude for the best parts of life. To see the beauty in every situation. To add joy to the lives of those I'm in contact with. To work hard in all that I am asked to do. To be a true example of a disciple of the Lord.

Learning to Love Myself

    Me. Who and what am I? I can think of many, many things. I am a wife, a crafter, a baby- kisser, a Latter Day Saint. I am a student, a woman, a lover of all things Harry Potter. I am a goofball, an internet fiend, a sarcasm user, a believer in prayer. There are so many descriptive words I could interject.
    But when someone else describes me in a positive light? I scoff. I pull out the self- deprecating humor. As soon as I hear these words from a person I instantly believe them to be frivolous. Are they sure they know who they're talking to? How sweet of them, yet so misinformed. Thanks for the sentiment, but no way. It's my habit.
    On the last evening at YW Camp there was a wonderful member from my Stake who asked:

"Why don't young women love themselves? Why do they hold themselves to an unrealistic standard? Why do they become their harshest critic?"

It nearly took my breath. He was speaking directly to me. I am that person. I struggle with liking Me.

    Physically I can think of so many different things I don't like about myself. I have kept this laundry list throughout the years, slowly adding more to it as I've stared in the mirror. I find flaws with even the most idiotic things. I covet others for their looks, their confidence. I feel inferior. There isn't a day that has gone by that I haven't caught myself looking down to the ground as I walk to and fro, a sure sign of low self- esteem.
    It all goes back to this: when did I allow this to happen? I am okay. I am even better than okay. And who even gets to define what 'okay' is?

I just can't swallow that someone might view me as beautiful. It's too foreign. It can't be right.

    Only one day in my 23 years of living have I felt that. It was incredible, magical even! It's partially why I hold my wedding day in such reverence, why I enjoy posting those photos. For once I was able to see past the qualms. It's certainly illogical. Why can't I have some flaws yet still have beauty?
    Don't get me wrong, there are things that I like about myself. I don't think I wallow in the lowest depths of self- hate or pity, however I give too much time to the things I view as negative. And sometimes I have to remember not to confuse "I love Lacey" with "I like certain parts of me, just not the total sum." It is so hard to find that balance.

    It's a lot to take in huh?

    I am not seeking compliments. I am already biting my nails that I will feel overwhelmed at well meaning people concerned about me. There is already guilt in my heart that anyone would ever find me to be an attention seeker. Sensitive junk like this is hard to share because it's truly baring your soul to anyone who may read the words!
    But I have to get this out- there are far too many amazing, talented, truly beautiful people who take too much time criticizing themselves instead of loving themselves. I sincerely hate that. It terrifies me to think that my sister, my niece or my future children may have as much anxiety as I do regarding their body. Because I see them. I really see all that they are... and they are beautiful. I want them to feel that they are. I want them to know it. I wish for everyone to find the courage to accept our faults, forget the absurd standards we try to obtain and love the skin we're in :)
   Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe this to be true, but I haven't found the place to allow myself to positively convert to that thought process. I want to, I so want to. It's certainly a step by step process. The only way that I know how to do this is to turn to Jesus Christ. I know that there are things I don't see in myself that He can see. I know I am dishonoring the body I have been given by holding in it such low regard. I know that I will feel so much happier once I can get to the point of truly and irrevocably loving me.

NEW NEW NEW

Here's what's new in my neck of the woods.

•A different blog design! I always love looking at aesthetic pleasing layouts of the most revered bloggers. I'm excited to join the ranks. I have to recommend AdorationStudios on Etsy for the layout, font and assisting with a new format. I am not a easy client to work with; Lacey is my name, nit picking is my game.

•Graham got his test scores back from his first Master's class- he made an A! I was so happy I could have squeezed him. Throughout his years as an undergrad he worked extremely hard to graduate with top honors, when he signed up for a graduate degree he vowed he would not worry himself into oblivion again. Then class started- he forgot his newfound philosophy and worked harder than ever for his grade. I lucked out, ya'll.

•We went to the beach for the time this year. It's weird being on the coast- it makes you forget about the grandeur that comes from the ocean. You take it for granted, we do, anyway. We sun bathed, tried to catch minnows and swam! I can't even remember the last time I was fully submerged in the salt water.

•We have reinstituted FHE. When we first got married we were apart of an awesome group of young, childless couples who we would meet with once a week to have a spiritual thought and a game. As time trickled on we all became busy with work, babies were born and many committed to go back to school. FHE was no more. Then last week it just suddenly clicked that things would go better in our week if we kept up with this simple task. So yesterday we had a home cooked meal, watched a Mormon Message video, played a game and went to the gym for our various activities. And at the end of the evening we read our scriptures together and I felt a sense of peace- simply because we dedicated a little of our day for just the 2 of us. This is here to stay, I'm saying it now.

•Vacation with my family in St. Augustine- but that deserves its' own post. Kellan, pictured above, was actually not smiling when in his big cousins' arms , rather frantically trying to escape. I still lub him.

Thanks for checking in.

Short Hair, Don't Care

    I went for it. It's all in the trash. Short haired Lacey has emerged. It's been rolling around in my mind for a some time to commit to a drastic change. After realizing I was most hesitant that much  of my ego was wrapped up in the "long hair, don't care" attitude I knew it was time. Has it ever been this short? Maybe in 6th grade when I donated a foot of length- some 12 years ago. Maybe not even then.

    Besides, it's just hair.

(Everyone knows as soon as you get a haircut it's officially- #SelfieTime)

Panera Bread Posts

    Right now: I’m sitting in Panera Bread with a laptop, a bread bowl and my headphones. To catch up with me…

 4 weeks ago I had to let my employer know through a series of hectic, yet pretty expected events, I would no longer be able to continue nannying. The answer was the result of a lot of praying, discussing it with Graham and weighing all of the prons&cons. Inevitably, it felt like the right thing to do so, I’m working twice a month throughout October from here on out… then I’m going to focus on being a full- time student, wife, Young Women’s leader and anything else that pops up. It has been incredibly frustrating at times trying to juggle it all; my schooling and house work has certainly suffered, and I’m excited to realign my life, hopefully with more success. I’m sure I’ll pick up a little part- time gig but I am not going to begin to worry with that until I have all of my current classes have met the deadline of November 30^th.

    So anyway to motivate myself to pick up the pace I used my day off to wake up early , to take Graham to work and bring the laptop to a location with free Wifi. Plus it can be so awkward that I fell like “ugh better hurry to get out of here!” So with only 1 hour away from this dang place for an oil change, I’ve been reading, catching up on tasks and snacking on all their goodies. (Drawback, for sure, I’m going to try to bring a PB&Honey with a water bottle to cut down on costs, but I feel guilty taking up space without spending a dime.) But seriously though, you guys, I am really digging Panera Bread, it’s delicious, they don’t mind if I sit for hours on end in one chair, I can order a meal right from my cell phone, I’ve left my laptop for a few minutes and no one stole it, they gave me a free cookie, there isn’t a charge for their internet services (don’t act like you don’t want to slap the places that require you to pay) and they’re over-the-top friendly. I like ‘em a lot.

    I ended up putting on my Unchained Melody station, a favorite, and the nostalgia of home hit me simultaneously with a sense of appreciation. Yesterday when I had the chance to eat lunch with my Uncle Luke, Aunt Kelly and boys (who were all headed to Orlando) I was definitely impressed with my uncle, duh. To all who know me personally, he has been a role model for me since he left at 19 years old to the first missionary in an exorbitantly large family (“Mama, I think he’s good enough to be the Prophet one day!” “Well Lacey, I don’t know about Prophet, maybe a Bishop.” Then he checked that off at age 26ish, you never know what's next!) So anyways, my totally wonderful uncle was chatting and said, “you know Lacey I’m trying to teach these boys that our trip [a 4 night, 3 day stay at Disney World] isn’t because I’m so smart or because I’m so good- looking and it was just given to us …it’s because I’m blessed.” YES. Just yes, there it is. A blessing given to a family that has a great father who knows enough to remain humble. I hope to follow in suit of those good examples around me, and with that:

I’m grateful for the past 18 month of experiences as a nanny, it was such a growing time for me, I feel so much more confident in my ability to parent.

I’m grateful that my husband has a job that can support the two of us for a time, and that he is on board with the new changes.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to go to school, as slow as this process has been for me, I hope to be able to make my parents proud by fulfilling their dream to have a college graduate.

I’m grateful that though times have felt immensely hard lately, life has settled recently, and I pray that it continues to happen like that.

   So yep, there that is. I hope lots of awesome things will continue coming in the future. This weekend Graham and I are going on a Youth Temple Trip, I’m going to teach my first lesson in Young Women and I’m going home (but just for a day, long story). This post feels incredibly long, and nothing but ramblings compiled into one post, but

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   Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

This Weekend I...

    At the last minute on Saturday at 10 am, I decided "what the heck- I should just go home." I downloaded an audiobook, packed a Sunday outfit and left my apartment. 

     Boy, am I glad I did! I managed to spend time with my parents, brothers, 6 Grandparents, all first cousins and nearly all aunts and uncles! I visited my cousin Henry Mizell, my neighbor all my life, in his home who has a pretty bad form of cancer. I made bouquets, bouteneers and played paparazzi for those destined for homecoming. I ate the most tasty fried pickles of all time. I delivered the outfit to Kellan I purchased for him. I snuggled all sorts of babies at church. I went and went and went. 30 hours in total, and they were so worth it. 

    Therapeutic. I love, love, love Douglas, Georgia and all that is there :)

Georgia, on my mind

    Sometimes when I think about things that I love my heart swells with pride until the merest pin poke would make it explode into a crazy spurt of fondness, oozing with sentimentality. Not many things bring that kind of devotion, but now my home manages to do just that.

    I am so in love with the state of Georgia. I truly am. Despite anywhere I've been so far, I haven't found a place that can accurately capture every emotion that place can. 

    What makes it so wonderful? Easy Q! The scenery, the atmosphere, the people, the food. 

    Georgia is generally such a lush place, everything likes to bloom. The green fields seem to roll, with pines standing tall in the distance. There is access to the coastline, if that's your thing. Even in winter you can still find beautiful scenic spots.

    Everything is laid back. No one outwardly suffers from tunnel vision based on work.  Some days you run into a group of hatched biddies in an incubator, quick for your cuddling amusement. A good vacation can be as simple as taking it easy on a porch swing.

    People just seem so different in Georgia; there is the perpetual question "y'all want anything?" when you're a guest. I don't have to look over my shoulder at a gas station when pumping. People don't ask for "10$ to get to the Westside." And I can actively assume a person is going to hold my door as I walk in behind them. 

    Food from the South is always my number one (minus all the dang greens). Just think, the chicken is fried, the mashed potatoes are fresh from the garden and macaroni is always a side. I can call in an order of Jade's Fried Pickles and call it lunch. It's easy to ache after boiled peanuts and chocolate delight. Can anything get more delicious? 

    Another thing, it's the perfect mix between quaint and fast paced. There are options of bigger towns like Atlanta or Savannah, bustling and brash... Or plenty of small ones to skim through. You might find a completely different lifestyle of people just a small region apart. The differences keeps the mundane out of things 

    To tell the truth, some days I just daydream of packing all our things up to go home. I yearn to add "Georgia" to my mailing address, it's a very special place to me. Because, really, no matter where I live, it'll always be home to me.

    

A Survey, of No Importance.

Making: This new post.

Cooking: Supper will probably be a salad tonight ;)
Drinking: Bottled water.
Reading: Nothing besides my scriptures.
Wanting: To cancel on work tonight :(
Looking: Into a few changes; getting excited about several things.
Playing: Nixed all music, for now.
Deciding: Which shirt will I put on.
Wishing: I was rich enough to travel everywhere now.
Enjoying: This summer, jam packed with so much to do.
Waiting: To get that salad ready, because I am so lazy ;)
Liking: The way my weekend is going.
Wondering: When will I get over a few lingering symptoms.
Loving: The Humans of New York page, so touching.
Pondering: About my upcoming SLC trip.
Watching: House of Cards.
Hoping: To get off work tonight before it gets very late.
Marvelling: At the crazy ways how people are brought together.
Needing: New shoes! My usual ones are broken, I'm too cheap.
Smelling: Nothing good nor bad here.
Wearing: A tee shirt I just spilt chocolate ice cream on, ah man.
Following: The topknot trend, never hair lying on these shoulders!
Knowing: I need to get over my dread of working.
Thinking: About politics because of this dang show.
Feeling: Estatic that Graham just walked in!
Admiring: My studly man :)
Sorting: Through my thoughts.
Buying: Supplies for my latest crafts! I like to keep them going on.
Getting: Ready to go to work, I guess :(
Disliking: Working any late shifts, I believe in being at home in night.
Opening: The door to go on, in about 5 minutes!

Everlasting Life

    I don’t know about ya’ll, but sometimes all I need is time to rejuvenate. I need to find my core- the place where everything in the universe begins to collide, then connect and make sense. Last night I was frustrated, completely seeing things in from a one- sided point of view, a good old case of the mean reds. In the end, I decided not to post my lengthy spiel I’d written and, now, I am relieved about that.

    At the end of the day, there are always a few things about myself that I wish to improve. One of my most unappealing flaws, is appearing to be overly pious- and to anyone who feels that I do, I’m sorry. I have yet to figure out preach without being ‘preachy’. I technically know what I should do, but sometimes a sassy girl like me can't remember when to bite her tongue! If it helps, I only do so because I truly care.

    Just know that I’m trying to be better. I can't always grasp the big picture. I find myself tangled up in  hopes and aspirations as big as the sky; sometimes they’re things I never imagined I’d want! I want more and more and more and more. In return I see that I have to seek and serve and give more.

    In closing (seriously must be in Church mode for phrases like these to pop in my head), yesterday at institute we came across this glorious, inspiring scripture which has resonated in my conscious ever since.

“Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life.” (3^rd Nephi 5:13)

There is so much more potential to each of us; may we each be able to find the paths we were meant to be on.

    I’m Lacey. I like having fun, kissing my husband and learning more about the gospel of Jesus Christ.