I think I have officially found the error to my ways. I'm sorry it has taken this long! But it's seriously impossible to post about every event from our travels with play-by-plays. Impossible, I say! I will try my best to write the important bits. 
    Remember that one time I flew across the world and spent 10 days in Europe? Yeah that was December of 2014, it's safe to say I am a little late on this. It was an amazing, thrilling experience. I'm determined to go back and hit up the highlights but to most importantly- SHARE THE PICTURES.

    Right before we boarded our flight I thought I might have a little breakdown. I was a complete mess as I checked, re-checked, and re-re-checked to make sure everything was in its place. It was my first time leaving the country. We had passports, 4 small suitcases filled to the brim, 3 jackets a piece, a camera, snack bag, itinerary notebook etc etc etc. We had two flights, one to JFK and another to Milan, which were not connecting. I mistakenly bought rather short layovers which was cause for much contention. I was responsible to see that we had all four boarding passes printed/available, picked up luggage from the first flight and redelivered to the second airline and essentially that we would have everything squared away to go through 2 different security checks. (Not to mentioned the 8 hour red-eye.) And Graham was miserably sick with a fever, poor thing. I felt like I was going to go absolutely crazy.
    We flew smoothly to New York, rushed around like loonies upon arrival (Including: getting lost near the luggage pick-up, being unable to reenter the airport for th second flight until we spoke with Delta Reps and then waiting an hour to get through security checkpoint. My anxiety was through the roof.) After everything we sat windowside on an enormous plane and took off.
    As soon as we touched down in Milan we were to follow a strict schedule I had painstakingly made. Of course, The mountains covered in snow in the distance reminded me that this wasn't the Southern winter I was used to. I decided to exchange my flats for my tennis shoes to keep warm. I rummaged in my bag and rummaged some more and rummaged a little more after that and came up empty handed. Ughhhhhh. So I opted for my black flats covered in black rhinestones since that was all that I had.
    We trekked and carried on, which you can read more about here and here. But Cinque Terre's truly spectacular views came with a price. Every day we had to climb hundreds of steps at a deep incline, up and down, then back again.
     This is where I noticed my shoes were beginning to be a BIG problem. These fit, but were just a hair tighter than I preferred and the constant steps were making my toes throb, particularly on my right side. Now as cute and quaint at CT was, there wasn't any shoe shop nearby (not to mention we were stranded by a train for hours anyway). So I did the only thing I could think of, I folded the back of my heel, on the right side, down to ease the pressure off my toes.
    Did anyone remember up there where I said the shoes were completely rhinestone studded? Yeah, well, they were. With each step they pricked my foot, but not quite as unbearable as my toes jamming against the shoe. On and on and on and on and on and on as I walked. I was my own biggest enemy with the stupid little schedule held in the colorful notebook tucked under my arm. It might say "walk .8 miles" and we walked it, again and again.
    By Day 4 we had just endured a torrential downpour in Rome. We spent an hour finding our apartment. We missed our Colosseum appointment. We were harassed by another crazy Island Boy about buying knock off purses. And my feet were aching. It was a day where I wanted to crawl into the gutter.
    Then as we walked along the street market we popped into the Italian equivalent of a Dollar General. And staring at me was a pair of gray sandals with green and pink floral accents. They were hideous, but I knew them to be mine- call it destiny, fate, or maybe a revelation of sorts.
    The following morning I searched for the only thick pair of socks I had brought. A lush navy blue and white pair, also unattractive. As self-conscious as I knew I should have been, I wasn't. There was no longer time to play any games; it was me, these shoes, and these socks. We would be a trio to remember forever. And I kid you not, that very day was when our trip of mishaps and aggravation wrapped up. I'm telling ya'll, it had to of been fate.

Throwing a little shade with my super awesome footwear. I hope to never forget this.

July's Missed Events

Here's what happened in July that hasn't made it to the blog yet!

We watched a Jacksonville Suns game for Graham's Elder's Quorum activity. And yes, I have got rabbit ears going on. 

I jammed out to a Modest Mouse concert! Graham was not that impressed, but it totally was alternative rock which he isn't a big fan of, which makes it more understandable. I was very disappointed when on the walk to the Amphitheater it began to rain and completely destroyed the cute curls I had in moments before! (So forgive me for this horrible photo.) However when they played "Float On" I kind of went into a haze and swayed as I belted out every word. 

I clocked in lots of snuggles with the cutest niece of all time. She is growing and getting so bubbly! When I see her she is all smiles, not sure if that's because of me or if it's just her sweet little personality.

I spent 5 days in Brunswick, GA at YW Camp. I was in charge of 15 year olds and boy did I learn how behind in the times I am! I just don't have it anymore. (FYI- It was scalding hot yet we had so much fun.)

Graham had a mini- procedure! Absolutely nothing to worry about, just a checkup which showed great results. It was so bizarre to see him with a hundred wires in- somehow he got so wrangled up that he was choking himself with the oxygen! The anesthesia made him even more hilarious than normal! He had me rolling.

 Listi showed me a iCloud photo sharing feature I didn't know about. We are able to post pictures of our lives back and forth without her breaking the rules. And come on- the Arizona sunset is what dreams are made of!

I've also been obligated to send off 3 of my favorite women and their little families in the past 8 weeks. (Sweet little Daxton is the son of one- I love this baby!) I guess the good news to that is that we can hopefully have somewhere to stay when we go to Texas, Idaho or Atlanta- right, right? In reality, I am sad for myself, but happy they are getting new opportunities. One day that might be Graham and I? Who knows.

We went to the Alligator Farm to take on their obstacle course! It took us over 2 hours to finish 27 points filled with tight walks, swinging steps and ziplines. To throw in more fun to the mix, 4 members have extreme fears of heights, not including myself, and so I had a ball shaking the wires for them ;) By the time we left everyone of us was so stiff and tired to the bone but it was fantastic to see peeps step out from their comfort zone!

Okay well, I think I may *finally* be sort of up-to-date with this thang! 

July Update

    I held off for a while to make this update, because there isn't too much to report. Graham had an additional Semen Analysis (I blush every time I say that) in early July but my clinic has not given those details yet. I'm annoyed by that fact, but trying to squelch that, as it isn't necessary that I know right now (I just barely have the patience to wait and see). Please, let's all remain hopeful that they will give us good news. 

     I am back on birth control again. Major sigh. I can barely remember to take it most days. Whenever we finish with this August's use we are ready to begin again! My Doctor has changed things up from what I originally thought too. Apparently we are not doing an IUI next. I was pretty disgruntled to find that out, but I am willing to follow his advice (for one cycle at least). We will be using Letrozole, in combination with monitored ultrasounds and the like. In addition to this, I've had will have to take Vitamin D supplements and be on a sugarless diet (HOW WILL I SURVIVE?).
    This time off is enjoyable and difficult. Graham was game to jump right into it without it, but I have felt so drained. It's such a weird feeling; I wanted the break (I needed the break), but I kind of regret the break. It's just all over the place! I have been having a very difficult time being positive lately. It has helped by letting everyone know so that I can speak about it freely, but I also feel like a little clock is looming over me ticking-ticking-ticking waiting to have some great news. And trust me, I wish I did. I am that crazy lady who fantasizes about everything working out but, for now, it's all at a standstill. Until next month!

Learning to Love Myself

    Me. Who and what am I? I can think of many, many things. I am a wife, a crafter, a baby- kisser, a Latter Day Saint. I am a student, a woman, a lover of all things Harry Potter. I am a goofball, an internet fiend, a sarcasm user, a believer in prayer. There are so many descriptive words I could interject.
    But when someone else describes me in a positive light? I scoff. I pull out the self- deprecating humor. As soon as I hear these words from a person I instantly believe them to be frivolous. Are they sure they know who they're talking to? How sweet of them, yet so misinformed. Thanks for the sentiment, but no way. It's my habit.
    On the last evening at YW Camp there was a wonderful member from my Stake who asked:

"Why don't young women love themselves? Why do they hold themselves to an unrealistic standard? Why do they become their harshest critic?"

It nearly took my breath. He was speaking directly to me. I am that person. I struggle with liking Me.

    Physically I can think of so many different things I don't like about myself. I have kept this laundry list throughout the years, slowly adding more to it as I've stared in the mirror. I find flaws with even the most idiotic things. I covet others for their looks, their confidence. I feel inferior. There isn't a day that has gone by that I haven't caught myself looking down to the ground as I walk to and fro, a sure sign of low self- esteem.
    It all goes back to this: when did I allow this to happen? I am okay. I am even better than okay. And who even gets to define what 'okay' is?

I just can't swallow that someone might view me as beautiful. It's too foreign. It can't be right.

    Only one day in my 23 years of living have I felt that. It was incredible, magical even! It's partially why I hold my wedding day in such reverence, why I enjoy posting those photos. For once I was able to see past the qualms. It's certainly illogical. Why can't I have some flaws yet still have beauty?
    Don't get me wrong, there are things that I like about myself. I don't think I wallow in the lowest depths of self- hate or pity, however I give too much time to the things I view as negative. And sometimes I have to remember not to confuse "I love Lacey" with "I like certain parts of me, just not the total sum." It is so hard to find that balance.

    It's a lot to take in huh?

    I am not seeking compliments. I am already biting my nails that I will feel overwhelmed at well meaning people concerned about me. There is already guilt in my heart that anyone would ever find me to be an attention seeker. Sensitive junk like this is hard to share because it's truly baring your soul to anyone who may read the words!
    But I have to get this out- there are far too many amazing, talented, truly beautiful people who take too much time criticizing themselves instead of loving themselves. I sincerely hate that. It terrifies me to think that my sister, my niece or my future children may have as much anxiety as I do regarding their body. Because I see them. I really see all that they are... and they are beautiful. I want them to feel that they are. I want them to know it. I wish for everyone to find the courage to accept our faults, forget the absurd standards we try to obtain and love the skin we're in :)
   Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe this to be true, but I haven't found the place to allow myself to positively convert to that thought process. I want to, I so want to. It's certainly a step by step process. The only way that I know how to do this is to turn to Jesus Christ. I know that there are things I don't see in myself that He can see. I know I am dishonoring the body I have been given by holding in it such low regard. I know that I will feel so much happier once I can get to the point of truly and irrevocably loving me.

Family Matters

    As before stated, vacation growing up was unchanging. For the 2nd week of July we would be in Fernandina Beach at the ABTS Condominiums on the first floor. As the time nearered my high school graduation- room prices soared, things did not fall into place and some wanted a change...

    This year we joined my Mama's paternal side and my Daddy's brother's family to reawaken the beloved beach vacay. My parents booked a cute little condo in St. Augustine Beach and invited us! Is a free vacation even a discussion? Absolutely not. It was really neat to have both sides together at once, we met up as frequently as possible.

   About St Aug... This little city is so rooted in history, every cobbled stoned street filled with wonder. There is just something special about that place! I was very pleased with the decision to go there. We spent so much time together as family- and I basked in every moment of it.

     I'm sorry if I am a broken record, but just yesterday I thought about my life. How strange that I- little Lacey- had the courage to leave all familiarity behind? Anyone who knows me understands that I am not courageous, I am the one who sticks by the books. Yet, I made a serious decision to follow my heart. My hometown, my friends, my church family- it was all so hard. But my family? Incomparable. If you aren't in this club then there isn't any way I can explain our relationship to each other. And thus, I cherish every moment I have with my kin. They are truly my champions, my biggest fans by far. I really do love them: the rowdy ones, the odd ones, the annoyed ones, and the loud ones. They are quirky, but they are mine.

      I vote to keep this tradition up!

     Left, bottom to top: Acey, Granger, WL

     Right, bottom to top: Jake, Lacey, Cole

NEW NEW NEW

Here's what's new in my neck of the woods.

•A different blog design! I always love looking at aesthetic pleasing layouts of the most revered bloggers. I'm excited to join the ranks. I have to recommend AdorationStudios on Etsy for the layout, font and assisting with a new format. I am not a easy client to work with; Lacey is my name, nit picking is my game.

•Graham got his test scores back from his first Master's class- he made an A! I was so happy I could have squeezed him. Throughout his years as an undergrad he worked extremely hard to graduate with top honors, when he signed up for a graduate degree he vowed he would not worry himself into oblivion again. Then class started- he forgot his newfound philosophy and worked harder than ever for his grade. I lucked out, ya'll.

•We went to the beach for the time this year. It's weird being on the coast- it makes you forget about the grandeur that comes from the ocean. You take it for granted, we do, anyway. We sun bathed, tried to catch minnows and swam! I can't even remember the last time I was fully submerged in the salt water.

•We have reinstituted FHE. When we first got married we were apart of an awesome group of young, childless couples who we would meet with once a week to have a spiritual thought and a game. As time trickled on we all became busy with work, babies were born and many committed to go back to school. FHE was no more. Then last week it just suddenly clicked that things would go better in our week if we kept up with this simple task. So yesterday we had a home cooked meal, watched a Mormon Message video, played a game and went to the gym for our various activities. And at the end of the evening we read our scriptures together and I felt a sense of peace- simply because we dedicated a little of our day for just the 2 of us. This is here to stay, I'm saying it now.

•Vacation with my family in St. Augustine- but that deserves its' own post. Kellan, pictured above, was actually not smiling when in his big cousins' arms , rather frantically trying to escape. I still lub him.

Thanks for checking in.

Short Hair, Don't Care

    I went for it. It's all in the trash. Short haired Lacey has emerged. It's been rolling around in my mind for a some time to commit to a drastic change. After realizing I was most hesitant that much  of my ego was wrapped up in the "long hair, don't care" attitude I knew it was time. Has it ever been this short? Maybe in 6th grade when I donated a foot of length- some 12 years ago. Maybe not even then.

    Besides, it's just hair.

(Everyone knows as soon as you get a haircut it's officially- #SelfieTime)