Hey, remember me? I have to resurrect this blog and I'll start here. I hope to go back and recap the past few months of our lives soon!
    Graham surprised me for Christmas, after we said no gifts, with a long weekend to New York City and a pair of tickets to see my favorite band in Madison Square Garden- more on that later. I had underrated NYC, it's true, I did. Because everyone under the sun wanted to go there, I didn't care for it. It's fun to feel like I am singular in seeing amazing things (I'm not, hubris is a big flaw of mine). The moment he handed a plane ticket it just all clicked and I was flooded with excitement! New York, The Big Apple, home to Timberland lovers, clipped accents and the Yankees.
    I had a good time working hard on the perfect schedule. My family thinks that I am good at searching for plane tickets and things to do, but it's not that I am, rather it's that I get such a thrill out of it. The catch is that I only like doing it if I am the participant, so there goes any chances of being a travel agent ;) Eventually the final draft was reached with highlights in all the main places, we booked the things necessary and I downloaded a countdown on the phone.
     Then it came to booking the hotel. New York is pricy, just like all major cities. I looked up mainstream hotels and they were more than what I wanted to pay. AirBnB would normally be fine, but they too were expensive and I wanted the luxury of having someone make my bed for that price. Somehow I stumbled upon Hotwire, a service that offers discounted rooms without giving you the name of the hotel. We chose one near Madison Square Gardens and Times Square, close to a Metro. After using a coupon, who do you guys think I am?, we booked it and it revealed that it was Holiday Inn. Due to the fact that I'm a brat I was a little disappointed. Graham called and said his birthday was coming up (true) and asked for the highest room with a great view. After our flight, the first thing we did was show up to the hotel, which immediately seemed nicer than expected. After check in they handed us a key to the 32nd floor with a view of the city, including the Empire State Building. Every night we would look over huge lit up buildings that shined and gleamed. I was bowled over by how great it was, meanwhile Graham was in hog heaven, especially considering for the price we paid.
    Our first day in town we hit up some of the most iconic sights. After checking in and admiring our room, we dropped into Times Square. Interest place, that one. Large buildings and colorful, moving billboards were the backdrop to squealing tourists, costumed clad locals and the most annoying employees who constantly harassed about bus tours. It was fun to drop in, but it certainly was overwhelming and after we saw it, I was ready to split.
    Next up was our search for the Manhattan Temple. We love to visit temples when we are on the go, this was no exception. After spotting a pair of elders, they sent us in the right direction. Very uncharacteristically this one was actually in a central area. More often than not, they are usually found in smaller communities out of the city. This one was smack dab in the middle of a busy part of the town right off Broadway. We were shocked to hear that it was a temple on one half, a regular meetinghouse on the other. Naturally we came inside to view it! It sure was neat to enjoy the soundproof building, something that can't be taken for granted in NYC.
     After a yummy meal where Graham had 3 sliders and I had the best poutine of my life (not too hard, only the second time). We used our tickets to my first on site Broadway play! I am a huge enthusiast of plays, musicals and the like- Graham will go but only to humor me. We grabbed a pair of tickets to Kinky Boots. They were described as "not at all kinky but a great storyline" from an agent and that was our choice. It was a very fun, energetic musical! Maybe not for everybody, but I was a happy to have watched it. Then we went back to enjoy our amazing view from our room.
     On our first morning in the city we booked a cruise to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. The Statue is, of course, a place that can't be missed. This towering green emblem of the freedoms we Americans obtain was a treasure. During our time on this island President Trump was sworn in, we were oblivious to it until after. We were far too busy photographing everything and rushing up the Pedestal steps for a better view of the spread of the city. Afterwards we dropped into Ellis Island. I had read so much about immigrant children's stories as a child that I was really looking forward to it! We walked through all the exhibits to learn what it was like to go to E.I., why they became citizens and the aftermath of living in the US as a immigrant. It was filled with pain and happiness alike. I tried to think of my ancestors making their way through after months on ships, cold and tired, ready for a new reality.
    A ferry ride, walk and subway ride later, we visited the place a friend who visits the city recommended we try: Chelsea Market. It turned out to be an indoor market with many pop up shops. There were listings for all types of international cuisines, not to mention that it was warm and it kept us out of the drizzle that had begun. After walking up and down the market we opted for tacos, drinks from a health shop and a delicious cookie topped with butterscotch and cashews from Amy's Bread. Yum!

This was a funny moment! Graham was trying his hand at this Intelligence Test- 6 oddly cut wooden blocks that were meant to be put together to create a rectangle. He would get a piece or two together but couldn't get the whole sum of it. Finally I asked him to scoot over and shuffled it up, I put it together the first time I attempted and he was astonished. And very ashamed. The thought of him having to sail back home because he couldn't get it grated on him something fierce.

    I didn't have a hood so I had to tie my scarf around to stay warm. I felt like a Grandma. 

A Birthday Gift for Me

    25 years old; that number just shocks me. I guess once I hit 21 I thought time stood still and you never get to a point where you feel older? Part of my tagline for this specific blog is "all of my adventures through adulthood"- I still have to remind myself that I'm a grown woman (this would probs be the perfect time to say 'that don't need no man' if I didn't have a man that I'm glued to his hip ;) Seriously though, how am I a grown-up? Shouldn't someone still be responsible for me? It's weird for me to embrace age.
    And now to transition to the real point of why I'm here- a birthday gift for my Quarter of Century. It was really an easy decision.... I've went pretty underground this past year about many of our serious struggles, there is never a good time to share. Collectively, our family has had a VERY HARD past few months, and if I'm being honest, 2 years. I can't help but to be so proud of Graham and myself because of how we have responded and made it through. It's hard feeling like every time you share something it's harsh or overwhelming; I like to be funny and goofy and share about all the silliest parts of our lives, so it's been aggravating to have a perpetual dark cloud overhead. There are goals that we want to reach, and the one that's at the forefront right now is becoming parents. Whomp, whomp. We have went through an additional a year full of doctor's visits, medications, emotional turmoil, the greats ups followed by a smack of a downturn. At last we felt it was time to do the most expensive, most precise and most involved process the scientific community can offer.... we are going through with in vitro fertilization.
    It's terrifying! It's exciting! It's more emotions than I can count (as well as dollars- so if you ask us to do anything that involves a price tag the chances are that we will say no :) I know there are people that disagree with this type of process- but honestly I don't want to hear a single qualm against it. Additionally, I'm a junky who likes to share some, but we are choosing NOT to give more information about when everything will happen. I am not going to give a timeline or results, at this point in time. It was made after lots of thoughts on the matter, mostly because that adds far too much pressure on me for the process to be a success. I know it seems preemptive to share with everyon, but the doctor's have given us good statistics and I firmly believe that it can only go better with prayer. Graham and I will be doing all we can so that it will work out for us.
    I had the most vivid dream last night and I decided to share it. It was so delightful that I partially wish I wouldn't of had it. The whole premise relied on the fact that I fell pregnant through IVF and chose not to tell everyone (obviously unrealistic but entertaining, nonetheless). We eventually gave birth and I had a distinct moment of laying a baby in my unsuspecting Mama's arms, where she was floored, and hearing comments like "that's an Alexander, no doubt!" It was so hard to wake up to reality, where I feel so empty for not being able to have a baby. My mental state has eternally been affected through this challenge. But on the flip side, it also seems like a birthday gift, one that offered me the ability to see how happy I will be. I am so grateful to know that better times lie ahead!
    If you would like to give me a gift for my special day, I'd ask that you join us in prayer to be able to reach the goals of our hearts. It's so humbling to have to seek help many different individuals in this ultra-sacred time, this part of it can be hard because of the vulnerability we are left to expose. A huge part of me would rather wing it alone than express constant fear and needs. We just want it to work out. I know that it can and I need it to. We know that nothing completely entitles us to be able to create life, but we hope to do so anyways. Thanks for putting up with yet another heavy dosage of depressing talks on my body's inability to do natural functions- I really wish I had more to write about too ;)

    The good thing is as soon as I can figure out how to transfer mass amounts of Google Drive photos I'll finally get around to a wonderful family vacation we went on to the Smokies ;) Yay for axing off the stifling topics that seem to sway overhead. Any techies that know how to move many at once? 

Labor Day 2016

    We have forgone our annual Walt Disney World passes in lieu of Universal Studios passes! It's certainly a new experience, as I had only been to 1 of the 2 parks (in 2013) before grabbing them. They are actually pretty reasonable, price wise- always a perk. Graham and I met up with two of our favorite people, Austin and Katie, and spent 2 days at the parks having a grand old time. One of the best parts is that since it's all so new, I still have several rides left to enjoy, new places to eat and shows to watch.
     Without doubt, Harry Potter World is a favorite of mine; I love just walking around the shops with the music playing in the background! Since I'm an old bat, I always seem to get emotional thinking about what a huge spiel HP played in my childhood Meanwhile, Graham loves the theming of the different areas and avoids most of the coasters like the plague.
    Between our days at Universal (Saturday and Monday), we enjoyed walking around Celebration, Florida and Disney Springs. Graham and I dawdled in Celebration when it began to sprinkle, sitting under a nice covered bench. Soon enough it began to come down in sheets at an angle and we had to walk/run about a mile back to our car. By the time we got in, we remarked how we have been able to be so carefree up until this point in marriage, we have had moments of unabashed joy in the most silly circumstances. By the time we went to Disney Springs, we both had an umbrella, I let Graham use the poncho and I added a long sleeved sweater on. Also, they have really revamped it and it looks great. We were so impressed.
    It's been fun to give it a go at new parks! We have access to Universal Studios, Islands of Adventure and City Walk until next September, so be sure to get with us, if you plan to go ;)

Listi Leaves for BYUI

    Listi is on the road again, or rather has already left on the road. She called me up a few months ago (right after she got back from the mission) to search for plane tickets out West. She had decided to attend Brigham Young University- Idaho and was accepted to attend in September. Since she had been through the mill cramming her whole life into a few suitcases, she knew the routine. Finally, the time had came! She sent in her two week notice, printed off her flight information, had bags stuffed full and met up with me to spend her last night on the East Coast in the city of her departing flight.
    The two of us met our first cousin Hillary and her family for breakfast biscuits the next morning. We reminisced about some hilarious family moments, since we were neighbors growing up. Then we ran around fulfilling errands until she needed to get to the airport. I laughed and laughed at seeing all of her luggage- it was so slammed that she had to really apply pressure to get the zipper to move.
    When it came time for her to check both bags, they were weighed. To check two bags under 50 lbs. was going to cost $60- not bad considering she had 4 months of things in two bags. We anticipated that amount and already had it in hand. When the scales showed they were 56 lbs. and 51 lbs. the grand total came to $360. Wait- WHAT. We nearly lost it! 7 pounds was worth an additional three hundred dollars? Goodbye, United. We quickly sat down and began to shuffle things into her purse and duffel bag (since carry on items aren't weighed). After feeling like we were successful, Listi had one bag at 48.5 lbs. and another at 51 lbs. which rang up at a total of $160! We were livid! So walked back to the courtesy seats and shuffled some more, stuffing that duffel bag with more weight. The next time they were weighed they both passed requirements and she only paid $60 for both. The more we discussed it, the more aggravated we got- it just seemed wrong. Alas, it worked out so we eventually moved on from it.
     After meeting up with Hillary and Bentley in the airport, snapping some last minute pictures, it was time to see her leave. I couldn't help but think about her leaving for her mission, so similar yet so different entirely. As soon as she went through security I was able to text and call her, Facetime'ing when we wanted to. Yep, very different.
    She did have a funny experience during her first layover. She didn't realize that when they offered to check her duffel bag on the first plane that she would need to grab it before getting on the second. Just like that she left her bag in Texas! She spent the next three days without a pillow, sheets, snacks and a few other things she stuffed in there. A really nice friend offered to drive her thirty minutes to the city where the bag was eventually brought into. It made me very happy that someone was being charitable for her, when her family can't be there for her.
     Have fun in Idaho, Listi! See you at Christmas!
 

    This is the picture where I asked her to turn around, just to get a last photo to send to our parents. As you can see, this defiant lass didn't even hesitate to walk off though security. She literally never looked back! I wanted to laugh and smack her, simultaneously

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Updatez on Baby Talk

    I originally said I would touch bases after my last appointment but, yet again, it was all over the place so I decided to wait until I had answers. Annoying, right? To sum it up where we left off: my little follicle was trying it's best to rally up to a decent size pre-ovulation, after a week of staying the same rate, it grew 3mm on Wednesday and I had to check back in on Friday.
    By Friday I had lost faith that I'd have a successful cycle, mostly because the timing is essential, and I went with low expectations. Well! My follicle grew by a whopping 1mm! It felt worthy of an eye roll at that point. The instructions were to wait it out until the following Monday and to be on high alert for ovulation cramps. Oye. It reminded me of those teenage years when you're just being strung along, little bits of hope that make you cling to whoever. As, I went for my sixth ultrasound in 15 days-  my follicles had shrunk down to 6mm. It went to the opposite ends of the scale from what we wanted.
    After my ultrasound, one of the nurses told me there was a possibility I had ovulated and the egg had released, so we better check by doing some lab work. See what I mean about the bits of hope?Then I had to wait all day Monday and didn't hear back until late this afternoon. Can I just say that waiting when you're trying to remain positive is the WORST? It sure is. The results came in: no ovulation and low estrogen levels. I'm not surprised, last week when everything began to unfold I was, but by today I don't even feel that sad.
    What was super neat was to get to discuss how infertility impacts me with my nurse. I've know her for a year but she just opened up at that appointment about her failed IVF attempts. We discussed comments people have said that left us livid and the heartache we share, that others don't understand sometimes. What was interesting to me was the fact that I could see that we were in different mentalities- I am (mostly) past the distraught, unjust phase. That took a long time but I like where I'm at. Sure, that will always come and go but I've accepted that this is my lot in life and that I want to use it to educate and encourage others to be more aware of how common it is and how it affects the people who endure it. Someone private messaged me about how to approach and speak on infertility with loved ones- I was thrilled. What a privilege!
    So, some affirmations. We will have a baby, it won't happen this month but it will eventually. I am still very blessed in so many regards, which I remind myself daily. There is a General Conference talk that I am delving into that relates so well to this topic, and I'm choosing to be happy.
    I am going to love my future children soooo indescribably much, I can already say that and there isn't any- is that weird? There is a huge place in my heart, I'm hoping the Lord thinks so too and will send some to us through whatever means is appropriate. I know we both have so much love to give! One day, oh yes, one day! In the meantime I'm about to scope out some dessert joints with my husband ;)

    I texted Graham after getting the lab results, and he knew I'd need a little pick me up so he sent me this funny gif from one of our favorite shows. I couldn't stop laughing! I'm so thankful for his humor throughout everything, he makes it easier. Single ladies: don't forget to marry up.

Girl's Trip at my Place

    Right before the summer ended, I received a message from one of my grandmothers asking if they could come for a visit. Of course, I love spending time with everyone and jumped at the chance. We began to plan for a quick overnight trip. Then we decided it may as well be a big trip and invite caboodles of people: cause why not?
     In August, we managed to find a time everyone could come down. I had to kick Graham out and send him over to his parents for more space :) We had to arrange to have multiple air mattresses brought in for all of our sleeping arrangements. Then I had 2 Grandmas, 2 Aunts, 1 Mother, 2 cousins and 1 sister come to  stay the night in my small apartment. My bed, the pull out mattress, 1 queen air mattress, 2 twin air mattresses and my loveseat were used to give everyone a place to sleep. It was a packed place, but we didn't mind it. We enjoyed going out to eat together, cooking up a big breakfast at home and strolling through a few shops for goodies. We didn't have any set plans other than to enjoy ourselves, which always creates a stress-free trip!
    My maternal side tries to get together at least annually for a fun little get away- this year we had two! We always manage to have big laughs and that makes it worth any amount of hassle. I look forward to carrying on these traditions when we have children. Thanks for coming over ya'll, love each of you :)

(Silly? I'm the only one who looks over-the-top though.)

AUGUST and the Alexander's (no) Baby-Making News

   Hi. Here I am.Two seconds into typing that all I could think of was Jesus' "Here I am, send me!" (Isaiah 6:8) And you simply can't compare any tale to the one of the Lord, who took on the world's sins then sacrificed himself- you just can't. But I can say that I've had a bit of a rough couple of days and that I don't feel too upset about it, which is a blessing.
   I say going through the process of infertility is a roller coaster- please don't hate me for being repetitive. It's just been such a mess. And there is a good chance it's not easy to understand it, *sigh*. So, let me get you up to speed.
   We took 2 months off for traveling purposes, when we came back in July my Clinic suggested beginning with a low medicated natural cycle. I agreed that this seemed ideal, a nice way to dip back into it by using the basics. To simplify as much as possible the rundown is: I take birth control for 2 weeks, when it ends I begin a cycle, around Day 5 I take several Letrozole tablets which helps to stimulate my inactive follicles and then the monitoring begins about Cycle Day 12 on every other day until my follicle gets to the big enough size for me to get a shot to force ovulation.
  Just to clarify here: a follicle is an outer shell casing for an egg, it needs to be sized at 18-22mm to ideally be triggered, then I ovulate, it sticks to a thick uterine lining, then the follicle spouts off an egg at some point and, if the stars are aligned, it can become a fertilized embryo and begin the process of making a human child! Ok, still following me? That's the gist of the science behind it.
    Well, enough generalizations and back to the Mysterious Body of Lacey. My first ultrasound was last Monday, followed by that same Wednesday, I was scheduled for Friday but had to leave town for a funeral, then came back for one on Monday, trekked up there again on Wednesday and I have one for tomorrow on Friday :) Two of those appointments I had to stay later for blood draws. (And imagine if I wasn't on summer vacation still! It'd be impossible to work and be present for all the days they expect for me to be in.) Usually it's closer to 3 U/S in a natural or IUI cycle, but, and this is why I'm here to explain about my week!
   Despite 18 months of actively trying, we are still trying to learn HOW my body responds; it's a never ending story. Every month we have had some type of bizarre results that makes it hard to nail down what needs to happen correctly. This month did not go as planned. By my 2nd U/S, last Wednesday, my two dominant follicles were at an 11 (decent for that current date), I was asked to come in on the following Monday with my ovulation kick starter shot. I showed up on Monday, bright and early with my meds in tow, just to learn that one follicle shrunk and the other was stagnant- STILL at an 11mm. 5 days which should have been plenty for it get to the right size didn't invoke anything! Then they debated if I naturally ovulated, fluid was present when it shouldn't of been, which if so means we have to cancel the cycle, since my follicle wasn't big enough to produce an egg. I felt slightly crushed but I tried to shake it off, I feel disappointment in that office pretty frequently. What gets me is how composed I am until I make the phone call to Graham- seriously EVERY time I burst into tears in the clinic! I guess I just feel like I can truly act how I'm feeling and I know he will accept it at this point ;) Followed shortly by the walk of shame to the front office to make my next appointment with red eyes and a voice with a catch, woops.
    For some reason or other I was asked to come back on Wednesday for more monitoring, just in case. A blood draw told that I hadn't ovulated, which was good news. At the next U/S the little follicle that could grew to 14mm! So after 5 days of no growth, it suddently spawned an addition 3mm? Everyone is trying to understand it. So things are, potentially, back on track? It's just hard to say because it's just not an exact science. Raising my hopes is also a sure problem, since it's like a coin toss up at this point. I'm left here to wonder if this month is another bust or if I can hang on to hope that we could be 1 step closer to a real baby? Should we go forward with another IUI or skip to IVF, like some have suggested. It's been indescribably hard to know what to do for the future. Us not being able to have a baby has affected our decisions for moving (how will I find a new clinic? will I have to retest for different things? will we be starting from scratch?) and home-owning (should we buy a house if no kids are in sight? do we need a certain amount of bedrooms? how do we know if this is child-friendly without a child to test it with?) We have explored other options and paid close attention to them, but we just aren't quite there yet in our lives- I can't give up on the fact that I want to literally create a tiny human. Having a real family of our own is so important to us and we are trying to give it the amount of time it requires but to keep living our lives in the meantime- it's a very rough balance. Additionally, a huge strain on a marriage/relationships/friendships because of the emotional, physical and psychological effects. And who knows the answers? It certainly isn't us. I want to be hopeful but I find myself trying to be realistic with the possibilities of our situations.  I'll find out more news tomorrow, for sure. It's so incredibly hectic!