Today is the Due Date for Baby #1- I had cemented this day in my mind as a joyous event. Then I began to find it with deep sorrow and anxiety when it went awry. To be pregnant again has softened the blow (in a completely indescribable way) but it hasn't erased it. All day I've wondered how differently life could be if this little one was still joining us this week- What would it be? Would we share the same birthday? How would I be feeling right this minute? Meanwhile I've prayed incessantly over the two babies still with me with vigor today. How grateful I am for them; I love them oh so fiercely. How can one person constantly feel so many emotions? What a weird conundrum.
I'm still thinking of you Baby Alexander #1.
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